12-21-12

APOCALYPSE IS COMIN', Y'ALL!  SO WATCH THIS AND GO DO THIS (I just spent like 40 minutes watching these little videos.  Thanks, Red Bull) AND EAT THIS AND DANCE LIKE THIS.

Love you all.  Hope we're still here tomorrow!

Peace, bitchez!

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fuuhuuunnnn"

On the way to work the other morning, I was listening to an oldies radio station and they started playing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by the lovely Cindy Lauper.  And of course I found myself singing along with the catchy tune--dork-ily bopping my head to and fro and belting out the lyrics.  Not my proudest moment, but I can't be held responsible for my actions at 7AM (pre-coffee).

As the song ended, I thought about the message within the song.  Seriously, read the cheesy lyrics.  They have meaning:

        "Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.  I want to be the one to walk in the sun.  Oh girls they want to have fun...Oh girls they just want to have fun!"

I realize that I am about to analyze the shit out of a line from a cheesy ass song from the 80s but whatever.  Haters gon' hate!  I know that guys don't literally hide girls away (well unless...they're creepy serial killer types. Ehh...I need to tone down on the SVU marathons...), but they do kind of steal their mojo! That will to just kind of go out and go crazy and have a fun time seems to die down.  A lot of girls that I know who are in relationships turn into homebodies, and it's so disappointing.  Sometimes I want to be able to just go out with my girl friends and just have a crazy fun time!  These days, if a group of single ladies go out, the intention is always to get the attention of some guy.  Although this is fun (don't get me wrong. I suck at it, but I take a stab at it occasionally), it bugs me when groups of girls go out with an agenda of gettin' their flirt on.  Why can't the agenda be to just get shit faced and have a crazy ass time without any opposite gender distractions?

There was one amazing night in college that I will never ever forget because I just had so much fun hanging with my girlfriends.  There was a college night at a place downtown called Hollywood Disco. My girlfriends and I started the night out in the most casual attire (jeans and t-shirts) being goofy and dancing on the coffee table in a friend's apartment.  Then we decided to take dirty girl scout shots (seriously by far the yummiest shots ever: put chocolate syrup in your mouth first, pour in a shot...or two of peppermint schnapps, and shake shake shake!  It tastes like a thin mint. So good.)  We all got super tipsy and giddy.  Hollywood Disco rented out limos to escort people to and from campus, so we hopped into one of the limos and danced our way downtown.  Once we got there, we danced our little hearts out! There was a sketchy pole in the middle of the dance floor and we crowded around it and danced some more.  Sure there were a lot of hot/sleazy guys hanging around too but we didn't give a shit!  It was GIRLS NIGHT OUT.  We did what girls should do when they go out together.  We got drizzunk (yeah, that's right), dizzanced (mhmm, still doin' it), and at the end of the night we all wizzent back to campus arm in arm declaring it a tradizzition (hmm...that sounds weird, but I don't care).

I think Cindy Lauper was totally right.  Girls just want to have fun.  So I hope all you ladies reading this go out and have a crazy ass time while you're young and have the energy for it!

Oh, come on!

Have you ever realized that just when you come to the conclusion – not simply logically, but you sincerely, truly, positively believe it and feel it in your bones – that you don’t want or need a relationship, or a man in your life, that that is when it happens. It sounds so cliché, and I cannot tell you how many times I have been told, “when you’re not looking for it, that’s when it will happen,” and I hate to admit it, but it’s true. You achieve that inner peace and contentment and BOOM! It starts hitting you left and right. This is great, but still, come on!

In my opinion, it’s comparable to when you finally manage to move past “Wyatt” and have him firmly thrust from your thoughts, and then THAT is when he texts you, or Facebooks you or calls you, effectively slamming him full force back into your consciousness. This again leaves me thinking one thing: Oh, come on! There must be some radar men have that lets them know when we are pulling away, giving them the chance they need to pick up their phones (which they seem so loathe to do at any other time) and contact you.

Seriously, it is frustrating. I think what gets me is that it appears to be on their time (it’s not really because ultimately you are in control of whether or not you let them back into your life, but it certainly feels that way), and I don’t relish the feeling of lacking control. That being said, if the opportunity presents itself, and you remain interested in the individual, or simply the opportunity in general, there is no harm in taking it…and I will tell you why. Remember, you have reached the point where you know that your happiness is not contingent upon a man and that you will live with that mindset from here on out. Therefore this guy is a chocolate chip cookie, one of many on a plate full of such delicacies, and the time has come to enjoy yourself because he doesn’t pose a threat to your happiness. You may want things to work out between you and this gentlemen friend, but you don’t need it to. That realization brings with it a whole lot of confidence and the ability to have fun. So go ahead! Reach for the whole plate.

Any stories of your own that you would like to share?

Grey's Anatomy

Yes, the title to this post is an incredibly popular television show; however, what you might not know is that it also stands for “adults acting like high school students hooking up with everyone in a small-ish group of people.”

(Don’t get me wrong here. I enjoyed the show when I watched it back in college, and if I were to watch it now, I am sure I would enjoy it again. My statement is not meant negatively, for if the truth were told, a little Grey’s Anatomy in one’s life can be quite enjoyable.)

I believe that when you have a group of individuals that spend a significant amount of time in one another’s company, it is only natural that one or more of them will at some point be attracted to someone else in that group. It’s like the sun rising every morning; it’s inevitable. The challenge comes with how do you handle this. Flirting is harmless up until a certain point (although, it has recently been argued to me that it is never harmless. We’ll leave this topic for another time), but once you cross that line, one, you can’t go back, and two, the group dynamic is forever shifted. That being said, to achieve such ends of group flirtation, there tends to be a collective effort. Grey’s Anatomy does not happen at the insistence (or persistence) of one individual, but of many. Granted, some might participate more so than others, and a little more aggressively; however, even those less proactive members have their fair share of the fun.

All of this begs the question: If presented with a similar situation, do you take the opportunity to enjoy yourself and have a good time, risking the potentially awkward outcome? Or do you sit back and wistfully daydream of what could be? Personally, (and if you couldn’t tell from my phrasing) I believe you should go for it. I spent way too much time sitting back watching things happen to other people, desperately hoping they would happen to me. When you finally realize at a deeper level that you can’t sit back and wait, that you have to go make things happen, you make things change and are willing to grasp Grey’s Anatomy-like opportunities. Obviously be cautious of how you step forward – it wouldn’t do to offend or to make enemies – and certainly comport yourself with class, but go have fun! If life gives you lemons, make lemonade (yes, I just said that). 

Another Piece about...Parents

Parents.  I could write all day about how annoying my parents are when it comes to me having a boyfriend/getting married.  They can really drive you insane and cause you to ultimately give up!

There's an Indian Muslim girl at work who is 30 years old, still lives at home, and doesn't have a boyfriend.  She is extremely outgoing, beautiful, and funny.  She's had a few boyfriends over the past few years but said that the relationships weren't really going anywhere or that she was just having fun.  I went to lunch with her recently and we started talking about arranged marriages and the like.  During this discussion, she elaborated on her past relationships (three major ones).  

Her first love was in high school.  They had been together all through high school and through the middle of college.  She said that she was totally in love with him and that they were just very happy together.  She ended up breaking up with him because she realized that she wanted to think about relationships in the long term and settling down.  The problem with this guy was that he was an Indian Hindu.  He wasn't Muslim.  It wasn't going to work out unless she wanted to get disowned by her parents.  Enter second guy.  She said that they dated for about two years, but it didn't work out because her parents didn't approve of him.  She didn't get into any details, but I'm going to go ahead and assume it was because he wasn't professionally successful or a "good boy" haha.  Enter third guy.  She dated him for a year and is now seeing him on and off.  He's a surgeon living in Miami, Florida.  She visits him a few times a year.  It's basically a long distance relationship that they're apparently struggling to keep afloat.  She said that she doesn't see it going anywhere because she doesn't want to move to Miami and he doesn't want to leave Miami because he has been super successful there.  Being a girl with so many prospects and options, it seems like successful relationships have never worked out for my co-worker!  And it all seems like it stems from just cultural pressure.  Cultural pressure forcing her to be anything but herself.  

I hate to say this, but it kind of makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one out there having problems finding "the one."  She's not even actively looking.  She's just gotten to the point where it doesn't seem feasible anymore.  I told her...begged her...not to succumb to an arranged marriage.  Like, over my dead body you guys! I just don't think it's the answer.  I hate the idea of having to learn to love someone.  You should already be in love with the person you're gonna marry.  Duh.  So much pressure is put on young Indian American women.  It's ridiculous.  I feel like the guys can get away with doing whatever the hell they want but an extra emphasis is put on girls to marry someone that their parents specifically approve of.  It's very difficult to find a guy who meets your parents' specifications.  

Now, I'm not saying that I am looking for someone who meets my parents specifications...but I am saying that it tends to put a bit of stress on the situation.  For instance, if I end up really liking a guy but then am also aware of the fact that he is not someone my parents would approve of or would even like/get along with...I start to shy away from it.  I start to repress those feelings and move on.  This is no way to live and I know this.  But this is the way millions of women live everyday.  It's so weird.  You would think that in this day and age, the older generation would be more privy to adapting to modern ways of thinking.  They don't want to adapt.  They want to preserve their traditional mentalities and force them upon the next generation. It really sucks.  My co-worker (kind of like myself) is stuck in a cycle of pleasing her parents, and she doesn't deserve that.  I don't deserve it.  No one deserves it!  

I am strictly speaking from an Asian perspective, but what prohibitory issues do other cultures have in relation to falling in love and getting married?  Are Indian parents the only crazy ass people out there with crazy ass restrictions?! Please say it ain't so! 

Gentlemanly Behavior

Chivalry is not dead. Let me phrase it this way instead: Chivalry should not be dead. The latter sentence tidily sums up this entire post. I am thrilled that women have more rights and are more independent, self-sufficient, etc.; however, in my opinion at least, that does not give men the excuse to act less like a gentleman. Opening doors (car doors, house doors, mall doors…), helping you with your coat, paying for the first date (I specify ‘first’ because paying for dates is an entirely different topic, and perhaps my next post!), standing up from the table when a lady approaches or leaves, walking on the side nearest the street (according to my dad, whom I choose to believe, men walked on the outer curb in case mud/water was splashed up from the horses and carriages speeding by. Better it hit them than the women walking with them); these are all gentlemanly behaviors that demonstrate a respect for women (I know I’m walking a thin line here for not everyone will agree with me that “pandering” to the “weaker sex” is demonstrating respect; however, I will point out that I said “a respect.” I believe there are many facets to the word and that it incorporates many different actions).

Allow me to expound upon my point through two stories.

Story 1: Back when I was a freshman in college, I was interested in this senior dreamboat (looking back, I find this hard to believe. But hey, tastes can change). Anyways, to sum up a long and not very interesting pre-story, one night I end up one on one with this guy. We were on our way to hang out with our respective friends, who were in a relationship of sorts, and we needed to drive to get there, so we head for his car. He strides ahead of me, seemingly unconcerned that I’m lagging behind (I’m in heels and it’s an obvious point that I can’t walk as fast). This is strike one. You can’t wait for me, or slow down a tad? Certainly I am capable of reaching the car on my own, it is just a courtesy.

As he is so far ahead of me, he reaches the car first, and what do you think he does? He opens his door and gets in. I’m left navigating the grass and groping for the handle of the car (he was inconveniently parked on the unlit side of the street). Strike two. The night progresses; we leave our friends and head to his car once more. If you recall, earlier that evening he couldn’t be bothered to open the door for me. Well, not only did he open my car door, but before I had a chance to take another step, he bodily lifts me into the car, cradling me like a baby. Strike three. While this would not be a problem if I knew you, you do not touch me in any capacity unless I give you some hint that this is acceptable. I’m all for confidence, but this was cockiness and an overestimation of his own appeal. I digress. 

So now I’m seated in the car, rotate a little to adjust myself, and BAM! He’s all in my business. Clearly this guy does not believe there is any correlation between behaving like a gentlemen and my accepting his physical advances. In his mind, he could behave like a complete ape and I would still go gaga over him. If he didn’t respect me enough to stop and consider whether or not I was acceptable to his advances, or possess any desire to behave courteously to me, than I am not interested. Bottom line, this boy clearly had no respect for me and was only interested in the physical aspect.

Story 2:

In this instance, there is not one specific example that needs to be expounded upon (so this is technically not a story). Instead, it is little things – after all, the gentlemanly behaviors that I mentioned in the first paragraph are not grand gestures, but instead small gestures with a big impact – that add up over time. It is enjoyable spending time with him because he opens doors for me, respects the boundaries I set (HUGE HUGE HUGE deal!), helps me when he doesn’t have to, is up front with me, pays for things (despite my repeated offers to pitch in), and so on. Even if you are not interested in the guy, how can you not respect such behavior? His actions suggest he is taking the time to consider your wants and your needs, and I take that as a sign of respect.

My suggestion to men: err on the side of being courteous. If a woman does not want you to make such gestures, she will tell you. In my case, which I realize is not all encompassing, those behaviors will get you far.

Any thoughts on the topic? 

Workout Fashions

Clothes: I love fashion. Putting together outfits and helping others plan theirs is a source of great pleasure for me. So naturally, when I became a fitness fan, my passion translated into workout clothes (although, I don’t actually know if I would wear neon pink spandex pants on a regular basis). I am that person that tries to match everything and who practices her color blocking skills for a run around the neighborhood. Before you start judging me as being ridiculous, let me point out that I am not going to a gym to workout, and so am not using my workout clothes as a means to attract men (although, if I attract notice while outdoors, than great!). However, even if I were doing so, there is nothing wrong with that. Why not dress cute? Working out tends to get us all gross and sweaty, so if dressing fashionably, or in a way that makes you feel confident, helps you to carry yourself better at a gym, in the presence of men (after all, gyms are a great place to meet men), then I say go for it!

Makeup: Okay, this is a tricky one, or if not tricky than a touchy subject. A lot of us, myself included, are uncomfortable with men, or women, seeing us au natural. There is something vulnerable and exposing about being seen in public with no makeup on. At the gym, however, or during any social workout, it doesn’t make sense to pile on the glamour when it will most likely be dripping off your face in ten minutes.

I joined a running group a couple of months ago and it was inevitable that the individuals present would at some point see me with no makeup. Obviously, the nights I go after work my face is still done up (I’m happy that they see me looking reasonably well at least once of twice a week). On Saturday mornings, however, or for early morning races, they are gifted with the sight of my beautiful face with nothing on it…with the exception of a little concealer under the eyes (I caved). If I showed up with intense eye makeup, or experimented with eye shadow colors as I do with my workout clothes, I don’t think I would be applauded for my efforts, but rather looked at strangely and clearly be the one out of place. Therefore, in my opinion, the gym, a yoga class, a running group, or any workout function, are not the places, and it is certainly not the time, for experimenting with colors (makeup), or experimenting in general (also in regards to makeup). I would like to think that men are too busy with their own workout, or too busy checking out your great technique, to pay much attention to whether or not you are wearing liner, mascara, shadow, etc. 

So what are your thoughts on workout fashions? Do you wear makeup to the gym? Experiment with workout clothes? Does the purchase of a new workout item motivate you to actually work on your fitness? (I have to say that this can be the case for me.) 

Date Night

I have two roommates.  Both women. Both in relationships. Both in love.  Also, both really nice (insert smiley face).   Occasionally my roommates and their boyfriends indulge in something called "date night."  Date night is essentially a date that couples indulge in every so often in order to catch up and spend time together.  What do I do on date night? Well, bitches, I watch TV and order take out! That's right!

I do whatever the fuck I want! There are times when I wish I could go on a date night, but then I think about how much I enjoy and appreciate relaxing on my recliner, watching whatever movie or TV show I want to watch and eating all the take out I can shove in my face.  I enjoy these freedoms while I have them.  I feel like once you start a relationship, some freedoms go away and then the only time you really get to indulge is on special occasions like date night.

If you're in a relationship, what are some things that you wish you could still do? If you're not in a relationship, what are some things that you do now that you just know you'll have to cut back on once you start a relationship?

Oh Christmas Tree

My apartment has looked rather desolate and bare for the past two Christmases (and the only Christmases I have lived there…oops). Strange as it may seem, I continue to assist in the decoration of my parents’ home, yet never take the time to make my personal space look as festive and cheery.

To save you a lot of boring, personal mumbo jumbo I shall simply say that that is no more! This year I am going all out! Well…kind of. I’ve enlisted the aid of my mom (if I help her decorate, she can return the favor) to come over this weekend and 1. Help me do a MASSIVE cleaning (my apartment is in desperate need of this) and 2. Tote over decorations (I’m “borrowing” old Christmas decorations that my parents no longer use…per my mom’s influence in the household) and help decorate my space. All I need is a cheery fireplace and the scene is set. However, seeing as how that’s an impossibility, I’ll happily settle on the decorations and…a Christmas tree!!

The church at one entrance to my neighborhood always sells Christmas trees. The trees are small, adorable and basically the perfect size. Every time I drive by I gaze longingly at those perfect conifers and yes, fantasize about walking through the lines of trees with the snow falling down all around me. Oh, and I’d also burst into song, musical style, or like the Glee Christmas episode from a year or two back (Finn and Rachel were separated – yet still Christmas tree shopping together – and break into a rendition of Last Christmas). Although to reenact that accurately I’d need to not be in a relationship. I’ve got the covered! Oh wait…they had been dating and then broke up…kind of puts a damper on things. But it’s all good! I actually want to go Christmas tree shopping with friends or even solo. I’ll explain. Think about it this way. This is my first time buying my own Christmas tree, a live one to boot, and I want nothing but positive memories surrounding the experience. This is not to say that it wouldn’t be one if I experienced it with a guy; however, I hardly think he’ll be willing to burst into song…and then pay for my tree. I’m kidding!

In all seriousness though, I’m young, single and getting a Christmas tree would be an incredibly fun thing to do with my girlfriends. Think about how entertaining and ridiculous the situation could be. A couple girlfriends and me attempting to get the tree to my car, tying it on top, maneuvering it off my car, lugging it to my door, you get the picture. Just thinking about it makes me laugh. Who needs a guy when you can have times (imaginative at this point) like that?

At a time when people can often get down on themselves for not being in a relationship (all those Holiday parties, Christmas events/plans and New Years Eve certainly do not help), I have determined to stay positive and surround myself with great people and fun activities.  This is the time to be thankful for all we do have, not lament over what we feel is missing. I will definitely take this opportunity to not only settle myself more officially into my living space, but work on enhancing the relationships that already exist.