Gentlemanly Behavior

Chivalry is not dead. Let me phrase it this way instead: Chivalry should not be dead. The latter sentence tidily sums up this entire post. I am thrilled that women have more rights and are more independent, self-sufficient, etc.; however, in my opinion at least, that does not give men the excuse to act less like a gentleman. Opening doors (car doors, house doors, mall doors…), helping you with your coat, paying for the first date (I specify ‘first’ because paying for dates is an entirely different topic, and perhaps my next post!), standing up from the table when a lady approaches or leaves, walking on the side nearest the street (according to my dad, whom I choose to believe, men walked on the outer curb in case mud/water was splashed up from the horses and carriages speeding by. Better it hit them than the women walking with them); these are all gentlemanly behaviors that demonstrate a respect for women (I know I’m walking a thin line here for not everyone will agree with me that “pandering” to the “weaker sex” is demonstrating respect; however, I will point out that I said “a respect.” I believe there are many facets to the word and that it incorporates many different actions).

Allow me to expound upon my point through two stories.

Story 1: Back when I was a freshman in college, I was interested in this senior dreamboat (looking back, I find this hard to believe. But hey, tastes can change). Anyways, to sum up a long and not very interesting pre-story, one night I end up one on one with this guy. We were on our way to hang out with our respective friends, who were in a relationship of sorts, and we needed to drive to get there, so we head for his car. He strides ahead of me, seemingly unconcerned that I’m lagging behind (I’m in heels and it’s an obvious point that I can’t walk as fast). This is strike one. You can’t wait for me, or slow down a tad? Certainly I am capable of reaching the car on my own, it is just a courtesy.

As he is so far ahead of me, he reaches the car first, and what do you think he does? He opens his door and gets in. I’m left navigating the grass and groping for the handle of the car (he was inconveniently parked on the unlit side of the street). Strike two. The night progresses; we leave our friends and head to his car once more. If you recall, earlier that evening he couldn’t be bothered to open the door for me. Well, not only did he open my car door, but before I had a chance to take another step, he bodily lifts me into the car, cradling me like a baby. Strike three. While this would not be a problem if I knew you, you do not touch me in any capacity unless I give you some hint that this is acceptable. I’m all for confidence, but this was cockiness and an overestimation of his own appeal. I digress. 

So now I’m seated in the car, rotate a little to adjust myself, and BAM! He’s all in my business. Clearly this guy does not believe there is any correlation between behaving like a gentlemen and my accepting his physical advances. In his mind, he could behave like a complete ape and I would still go gaga over him. If he didn’t respect me enough to stop and consider whether or not I was acceptable to his advances, or possess any desire to behave courteously to me, than I am not interested. Bottom line, this boy clearly had no respect for me and was only interested in the physical aspect.

Story 2:

In this instance, there is not one specific example that needs to be expounded upon (so this is technically not a story). Instead, it is little things – after all, the gentlemanly behaviors that I mentioned in the first paragraph are not grand gestures, but instead small gestures with a big impact – that add up over time. It is enjoyable spending time with him because he opens doors for me, respects the boundaries I set (HUGE HUGE HUGE deal!), helps me when he doesn’t have to, is up front with me, pays for things (despite my repeated offers to pitch in), and so on. Even if you are not interested in the guy, how can you not respect such behavior? His actions suggest he is taking the time to consider your wants and your needs, and I take that as a sign of respect.

My suggestion to men: err on the side of being courteous. If a woman does not want you to make such gestures, she will tell you. In my case, which I realize is not all encompassing, those behaviors will get you far.

Any thoughts on the topic?