Linklings

I have amazing friends. AH-mazing! They are really great and continue to be very supportive of this blog; therefore, I would like to share a few linklings* that they've lovingly sent me.

1.  GIFs.  GIFs are super popular these days.  I have no clue what the eff "GIF" stands for, but there are a few blogs out there that use them with funny tag lines.  A dear friend of mine e-mailed me the link to a tumblr that I think is sure to give you a few laughs: #myfriendsaremarried.  I don't have a lot of friends who are married, but I do have a lot of friends who are in great relationships with really sweet guys.  While looking through these GIFs, I noticed that there are about a thousand of these reactions that I've actually had.  Y'ALL its super sad, but I soldier on.  Gangnam style.    

2.  Super random, but who is the FOURTH destiny's child?!

3.  A few months ago one of my friends who lives in DC e-mailed me this article from Jezebel about everything that society expects women to do but doesn't want women to do...or even want to know that women do it.  This article kind of ties into my post about putting in effort.  Guys really are completely oblivious to the fact that you put in effort.  When they know you put in effort, you are automatically too high maintenance and yuck! BUT if you don't take the time to put in the effort, guys are turned off by how not feminine you are.  Take a look at the article and let me know what you think.  Read dat shit!

4.  This is a more feminist piece rather than one about my inability to have a relationship, but it still gets me all riled up!

Y'all are amazing and keep the linklings comin'!
xoxo

*"linkling" is not a real word even though it freakin' should be.  I am affectionately referring to links of articles, videos, blogs, etc. that people send me and want to see on the blog as "linklings."

The Set Up

It is practically a given that at some point during your dating career you will be set up. In the beginning you are perhaps hesitant to accept these male offerings (chocolate chip cookies anyone?); however, you reach a certain point (once the bar scene has lost all promise and your hopes of running into Mr. Right at a bookstore or coffee shop are abandoned) where you think to yourself, “Why not. What could it hurt?”

There is absolutely no shame in being set up, and it takes the brunt of the work off your shoulders (NOT that you should be lazy about dating, but it’s nice to take a break from actively trying to date).

In my opinion, there are essentially two ways to be set up. The first: through your friends (I throw coworkers into this group). The second: through your family. I’ve had the first happen a few times, had two failed follow throughs with the second and am currently again in the process of the second.

Now, your friends stepping into the fray tends to be preferable to your parents/family doing so, even if it is your friend’s boyfriend’s friend’s friend or your kind of friend’s coworker’s brother. After all, they’ve quite likely been out with you in a social setting and have seen firsthand the type of guys that you are attracted to, or if not that, then are fairly aware of how you think and what you’d be interested in.

As for your family…well, there is something galling about your parents being so aware of your lack of love life that they feel it necessary to find you a person to date (if you're still at this stage, don't worry - it passes).

Friends also know valuable information, like the details about the guy.

When you ask your parents questions, it’s hard to have an intelligent conversation considering these are the typical responses…in my household at least:

Me: “What’s he look like?”

Parents: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Really? You didn’t think to ask that?” At my mom’s negative headshake I continue with, “Well, what does he do?”

Parents: “He’s a substitute teacher.” (They tend to know the answer to this question…I’m not surprised)

Me: “How old is he?”

Parents: “Twenty two, twenty three…I think.”

Me: “Mom, are you even sure you talked to his aunt?” (As you’ve probably guessed, this is a real conversation I had with my mother not too long ago. The topic: the latest guy in the trio of set ups)

Considering that little gems like the above conversation occur with your parents setting you up, I am going to focus my stories around that.

Let’s begin.

The first attempt came a couple summers ago when my dad called me about something and casually (uh huh) mentioned his friend’s son and if I was interested in meeting him. I was 1. Mortified, which quickly transitioned into 2. A flustered state, accompanied by some awkward laughter and me stammering, all of which led to 3. A voice that sounded suspiciously like my own saying, “Well…I guess that’d be ok.”

“WHAT?!” my brain seemed to be screaming at me. This is your dad. YOUR DAD! How far you’ve fallen, Brianna!

Turns out, nothing happened. I can't lie...I was disappointed. After my initial negative reaction, I was kind of looking forward to it. It was nice that I was being set up…it made me feel like I was in a movie, and I always love real life’s movie moments.

The second attempt came shortly after graduating from college. My mom is a preschool teacher and I would go in occasionally to help her. On one of these visits, one of my mom’s coworker’s son and daughter were also there. The son is a year or so older than I am and naturally, after learning that we’re both single, they wanted to hook us up.

Again, nothing happened. The guy didn't pursue anything, but to be fair to him, neither did I. Lesson learned: you cannot wait around on a guy to make up his mind to initiate or to pursue you.

So now that I am currently in the midst of my parent’s THIRD attempt, I have decided to take a more proactive approach, which at the basic level entails me asking how the situation is progressing (a question I refused to voice previously). Therefore, when my mom asked if I’d be ok meeting this one guy, I chuckled and said, “Sure!” and came back to the topic specifying the circumstances I’d prefer to meet him in (see, proactive!).

After I agreed, and said that I’d prefer to meet him for coffee, my mom didn’t mention him for a while. Randomly, I brought up a race I’m participating in and she said that after it I should go over to this guy’s aunt’s house (my mom’s friend) and meet him then. The race is in November. That’s two months away. I’m not going to wait around that long. If we’re going to do this, let’s do this! Which is exactly what I told her. The result: she’s talking to her friend sooner.

So I’ve learned two things from both friends and family helping me out in the dating department:

1. Embrace the set up! It can be awkward, but it’s an opportunity that you should take advantage of. You never know when or where you’ll meet a good guy.

2. Be proactive! Don’t sit back and wait for your friends, family or coworkers to remember that they were going to set you up. It’s ok to touch base with them about it.

(And I will certainly keep you posted on my mother’s latest effort!) 

Reel it in!

I think we’ve all been in a situation where we think a certain someone likes us, but we’re not 100% sure that they like us.  YET we still become incredibly excited at the prospect of this special someone sweeping us off our feet.  This has happened to me a few times, and...well...I have crashed and burned every time.  I get too excited and then start becoming too invested in the friendship...probably coming off as creepy.  Haha, I can’t help it! 

As someone who has never been in a committed relationship, I have no idea what the procedure is for this kind of stuff!  How long do you wait before you make a move?  Or is it the guy who is supposed to make the move?  How do you know making the move will result in a happy ending?!  It’s all very confusing.  It’s all based on timing and precision, but most of the time it seems only based on dumb fucking luck.  It works out or it doesn’t work out.  There’s no way to change fate.  There are times when I think that I can simply will something to happen by thinking things like, “Oh DUDE he totally likes me. Yeah. Why wouldn’t he like me?! Yeah, he likes me.” BAM! My hopes are very high.  I am excited.  I am hopeful.  And then the rude awakening comes to haunt me.  He’s not into me, and all my hopes are dashed.  What I was willing to happen just wasn’t going to happen.  As a result of this, I usually slip back into a mentally of “Whatever happens will happen.  I don’t care! I’m so fucking nonchalant!” BAM.  My hopes are non-existent.  I miss all signs, and I miss an opportunity to take a relationship with someone to the next level because my nonchalant ultra coolness has completely bored the crap out of my prospective love interest.  I never know what to do! I wish there was a set of rules laid out on stone tablets...on top of a mountain...yeah, I totally went there. 

It seems as though confusion concerning courtship is quite prevalent among humans mostly because there are so many different, delusional versions of “THE RULES” set out by EVERY ONE: our friends, our families, our favorite movies, our Cosmos, etc.    Everyone has an opinion on how to go about taking a relationship with someone to the next level.  For example, when a girl friend of mine comes to me and is all giddy and excited about a guy she’s interested in I usually (because of my horrible past experiences) offer very cautious advice and end up coming off as negative.  My little catch phrase that I use a lot is “REEL IT IN!”  “Reel it in” means to slow yo‘ roll, take a breather, slow it down now, step out of the vehicle with your hands up, etc.!  I tend to make my friends take a step back and evaluate the situation by thinking about what events have transpired with this special someone that have led them to believe that he is the one.  I also tend to compile a list of reasons to go for it and reasons to not go for it.  It’s scary, I know.  What can I say? I love a good list making session!  I guess I’m just super protective of my friends...or just really bad at giving advice concerning relationships/guys.  

Everyone imagines the scenario differently and gives advice based on differing opinions.  I want to know how you deal with friends who come to you for advice concerning a guy they’ve met for the first time.  What are your set of rules?  Maybe we’ll all learn something new!

Third Wheel

I’m sure at one point or another you have all be in a third wheel situation. Now, the third wheel gets a bad rep – with valid reason!

You will never hear someone say, “Oh, I’m so excited! I get to go hang out with my friend and her boyfriend for two hours at dinner, watch as they flirt and grab each other playfully under the table and share inside jokes, while I sit there with a blatantly false smile pasted on my face and act like I’m OK with the situation…and what other choice do I have when I’m receiving pitying glances from the older couple seated near us?”

Okay, well you’ll probably never get that much detail, but the point remains. Hanging out with your friend and their significant other is no day at the beach. That they’ve extended an invitation your way is certainly thoughtful, but I have to wonder if they’re fully cognizant of how awkward it can become.

So, take being the third wheel on the occasional night out or a day brunch and amplify that by, oh, I don’t know…a hundred. That’s how much worse it is when you are living with that situation. I’m talking 24/7 third wheel-edness. The guy, or girl, basically becomes the third roommate – the addition – and yet you get the boot.

This is a tricky situation to handle for multiple reasons.

How are you supposed to react? Obviously you’re happy that your friend has found someone that they’re into; however, this person is now in your space and their presence changes the dynamic between the two of you. The significant other can be the nicest person you have ever met, but it still does not detract from the fact that your space now feels less like your space.

And where is the boundary and how are you to bring up that issue reasonably and respectfully? It’s their (as in your roommate’s) space, too, so are you within reason to specify days/nights that they boyfriend/girlfriend can be over? Otherwise, you are in a constant state of tension wondering if tonight is the night that you can’t walk around in your boyshorts and white tank.

What if you share a bathroom? How does the morning routine work now? It’s your bathroom, but you don’t want to be the bitch roommate that finds fault with everything. And yet, you certainly can’t have the significant other utilizing your time in that space…you will grow resentful very quickly.

What is truly underlying all those questions is, how do you respond and react to all that is happening, and the emotions it is evoking, while maintaining your friendship? (For my answer to this, check out the steps under “the TALK”)

However, the above questions are you being rational. Before you get to that point, you go through some pretty strong feelings. Since I’m a girl, living with a girl, the prospective situation will go as follows:

Girl meets guy. Guy comes over. Roommate meets guy. Girl and guy get serious. Guy spends significant more time at girl and roommate’s place. Roommate not sure how she feels about this. Time passes. More time spent at roommate’s place. Infringing upon roommate’s space (bathroom, shower, etc.). Feelings of having the relationship rubbed in roommate’s face (deliberately or not, the effect is still the same: a guy wants her and no guy wants me…wa wa wa). Roommate’s resentment builds. Dreading coming back to your space. Increase in resentment. Getting angry at every little thing girl and guy do. This carries on longer than it should in most cases, until you reach: the TALK.

At this point, in order to salvage your friendship (because it has deteriorated so significantly in your mind) a talk is essential. However, it is KEY that you have worked through the above questions before you broach the topic. I have found it helpful to follow the below steps…as a stepping stone to answering those questions.

Step 1: Know your mind/Clarify your feelings - You first need to figure out how you are feeling and assess the strength of the emotion(s). The last thing you want is to confront your roommate when you are in a volatile state of mind and might utter some phrases that you’ll later regret.

Step 2: Take a step back - Give yourself a day or two to calm down and get out of the heightened state of feelings. Once you’ve settled, you’ll be able to process the situation in a new way and this will allow you to evaluate the boundaries and the best way to present the issue(s).

Step 3: Reassess where you are with the issue – Do you still feel the same? Not as strongly?

Step 4: Find an appropriate time to discuss with your roommate – I recommend not starting this conversation if either one of you is in a rush. You don’t want them planning on meeting family/friends/significant other or having a some other place to go to. It is important that you both are focused on the topic and leave time to have a discussion. You are not going to be the only one contributing – at some point they will want to speak up.

The fact that you are taking the time to consider how you are feeling and the best way to proceed with the “talk,” is how you are maintaining your friendship. Letting resentment build guarantees that you shift your behavior around your friend and this can cause damage to your friendship.

Perhaps you are asking, how can you keep your relationship the same after all the emotions/feelings that have come up during the process?

You can’t.

At some point, you’ve changed. How you are with your roommate, or friend, is different. Your tolerance level has either increased or decreased. But the fact remains that you can’t salvage that past relationship because you are not the same person today that you were then. This is not to say that you may as well part ways now because you’re friendship is not going anywhere (this is where the talk comes in). It just means that you will have a different relationship from now on. But speak up! Don’t hold in your feelings and let resentment build because that will almost certainly guarantee a death knell for your friendship.

Putting in the Effort

When I woke up this morning, I walked to my closet, opened it up, and decided that I would put in some effort today.  I put on a cute, navy blue dress that I bought this weekend, black tights, quirky flats with little fox heads on the tips, and of course accessories (watch, rings, friendship bracelet).  I walked into the bathroom, did my normal routine and brushed my teeth, put on my make up to cover up the minor imperfections, carefully straightened my hair (no fly-aways, y’all! Hallelujah!), and then carefully messed it up (something’s up if your hair looks too perfect).  To top it all off, I grabbed my chambray blazer (just in case I got cold), and I waltzed through the front door to my car feeling like the world was quivering at my feet.  

So much effort! ZERO return.  Not a single person complimented me or even looked at me appreciatively.  I got a few blank stares from people and some women eyed my cute shoes (yeah, that’s right; keep walking. You can’t have these shoes!).  I probably looked like a douche bag exuding way too much confidence.  Anyway, when you dress nicely and feel confident, you would think that would resonate with other people (particularly guys).  I thought I deserved some kudos!  Even though I got no feedback concerning my outfit, I knew I felt great.  I knew that I had put in honest effort that day and that I still had some fight in me.  And so this brings me to today’s topic: effortlessness.   

Bri and I were discussing how women put in tons of effort in order to look effortless.  I do this almost everyday.  My friend in college and I had a running joke.  Whenever I’d see her at a party our first conversation would go something like this:

Friend: “Girl you look so effortless.”
Me: “Thanks! It only took me 50 minutes!”
Friend: “OH EM GEE! Only 5 minutes more than last time!”
Me: “I know, riiiiight?!”

What I usually do is I’ll prep my outfit, do my hair, and then carefully dishevel everything in front of my bedroom mirror.  It’s pretty psychotic.  Going through all that trouble to look nice only to flip my hair back and forth or make sure part of my shirt is slightly wrinkled and the sleeve is partly rolled up while one is almost perfectly rolled up.  For me, I think I’m afraid of looking too high maintenance.  Ironic, I know.  I put so much effort into looking effortless.  When I get compliments after all of this prep, I usually lie (because of sheer embarrassment) and say, “Oh, this? I just threw it on.  Was in a hurry” and then nervously laugh.  See?! Psychotic. 

So, my question is what do guys like? Do they like when you put in effort and look polished and pretty?  Or do they like the girls who look like they just rolled out of bed after a badass night out at a rock concert (using “rock concert” as a general term for all events that involve drinking and staying out late)?  I’ve run into a few problems with this whole thang.  A while back, I went to a party dressed nicely.  Everyone else looked great, and I got compliments on my dress and shoes.  Of course, there were lots of cute guys at the party, so I thought I would schmooze a little and see if I still knew how to flirt (I don’t know how to flirt by the way; I’ll save that story for a rainy day).  I was talking to a group of guys, and it was going alright.  Suddenly a small group of people walked into the party.  One person in the group was a girl who had messy hair, was tall and slim and wearing ripped jeans, a white t-shirt, and a blazer.  She looked cool.  Like, next to her, I looked like fucking Betty Draper (circa season 5 of Mad Men).  So that night was a complete bust once cool girl showed up.  On another night, I tried looking very cool and tastefully disheveled: jeans, TOMs, flannel button down shirt, messy hair (I would just like to point out that I am A PRO at making my hair look messy but cool).  I was comfortable, and I felt like myself.  Besides, I was in no mood to dress up.  Of course, once I get to the party people are in cute dresses or cute outfits consisting of heels,  makeup, flirty tops, chic hairdos, and all kinds of fanciness that I was totally lacking.  That was the night I primarily hung out (mainly in the shadows) with my girl friends because I didn’t want any of the guys to think I was some weird, awkward loser.  It’s just hard to gauge what the atmosphere will be like at times, you know?  Anyway, I guess the only important thing is to make sure that you look and feel confident.  If you feel confident then that will resonate with others?  What do you guys think? 

I’m done thinking about this for the day.  Going to go to bed and prep myself for another day of looking beautifully disheveled and cool! Maybe I should take some style cues from M.I.A. She seems to have her life figured out.  Check her out!

Women with Kids VS Men with Kids

After college, I, like so many others, did not know precisely what career path I wanted to choose. However, as I was living at home (temporarily!), jobless and with no idea of what I wanted to pursue, I needed to find a job, any job, ASAP. Therefore, I put my talents with kids to good use: I became a nanny.

I work for a wonderful family, one who is helping me jumpstart my career in my chosen path; however, I am still a 24 year-old watching a two year-old and attending mommy and me functions. The chances of being noticed by single men are slim to none.

This also presents an interesting – although not unpredictable – outcome. People immediately assume that I am the mother (I was once told that he had my eyes…the sad part, I didn’t know how to correct her). The thing is, I still look like I’m in my late teens – even when I dress nicely for a day out with him. I’m not complaining about looking young, but that would make me a teen mom, like 16 or 17 (a circumstance that is not for me). A hot mom, but a young one nonetheless.

Now, while most of the places I take him to are predominantly occupied by women, I do run into the occasional male specimen during my errands or, more frequently, on walks.

I’m not saying that it is highly likely to meet an interesting, attractive man on your lunch break; however, having the constant presence of a two year-old really diminishes your chances of chatting up the local coffee shop hottie.

I’ll get the occasional whistle or honk (which I’m not going to lie, kind of boosts my confidence), but there are few opportunities (that I am not aware of) to meet men or have them want to approach me.

However, if you look to movies and television shows (I know, not necessarily the most reliable source) kids with men function completely differently (picture the scene in “Life as We Know It” where Josh Duhamel is grocery shopping and Katherine Heigl, realizing that this is how he has been picking up women, observes from the sidelines – only to have him demonstrate his flirtatious wiles on her a moment later). For the most part, women tend to view a man with a little kid as cute (I am no exception) and might strike up a conversation with the guy (demonstrated in the film listed above). Regardless of the kids presence, if the guy is attractive and we want to introduce ourselves, we will.

Bottom line: a man in the presence of a child is no deterrent for attention, yet a woman with a child is – or perhaps I should say, seems to be.

Does it make us seem too domesticated? Not fun? As if we come with too much commitment? Or is it simply because women possess a maternal instinct and are drawn to kids? 

Perhaps I am wrong in my assumptions regarding women's reactions to men, but living the life of a nanny, and dealing with the day to day interactions with other people, I can say definitively that I receive little to no attention from men.

Coffee Shoppin'

Mocha Latte with extra whipped cream mmm!

I enjoy coffee shops.  Mostly because I really want a fancy cup of caffeinated something with loads of whipped cream that I don’t have to make on my own.  One of my favorite things to do at coffee shops, other than drink my coffee OBVI, is people watching.  Especially at the hipster, trendy coffee shops.  There’s always an interesting mix of people who hang out, and their conversations are always really funny or just weird.  Basically, I get my coffee, find a good spot where I can discreetly look out at the entire coffee shop, set up my laptop and pretend that I’m actively working on something.  I look pretty young for my age, so people might assume I’m some kinda college kid writing a paper.  This might seem creepy, but I promise it’s not! You should totally try it sometime if you don’t already engage in such activity.  

Anyway, while I’m “working” I scan the room and study all the different types of people hanging out.  There are people studying, people pretending to study (like yours truly), and then there are the people who are on dates.  This is my favorite kind of people watching.  There is nothing more entertaining than watching a male and a female awkwardly get to know each other over a cup of coffee without the help of dim lighting and liquid courage.  I bring this up because, at this very moment, I am witnessing an awkward coffee shop date take place right before my eyes!  When the guy walked in, he sauntered over to the girl with his hands in his pockets, chest out (maybe he was trying to showcase his abs through his shirt??), and casually bent down to give the girl (still seated) a hug.  The girl seems cute, maybe a little timid.  The guy is rambunctious and frat-tastic.  The guy doesn’t have any coffee.  He is leaning back in his chair with his legs spread, obviously trying to give off a vibe of being easy-going and relaxed when on the inside he is probably panicking and wondering whether his fear is showing.  The girl looks a bit nervous.  Her legs are crossed, she is clutching her cup of coffee as if it were a security blanket, and teetering on the edge of her seat (not in an eager way but in an anxious way, maybe hoping that leaning forward will convey that she is deeply interested).  

Now that you know how these two cutie pies are sitting in their seats, let me tell you about their conversation.  After assuming their seating positions, they began discussing classes and professors.  At this point, I think it is safe to assume that they’re college kids.  The guy starts spewing out his dreams and aspirations.  He wants to become a successful stock broker on Wall Street (Ah yes. THAT American dream).  The girl then discusses her desire to go abroad to Europe or Asia and explore different cultures and “just like travel, you know?” (direct quote, y’all).  And the guy replies with, “Oh yeah, totally.  That’s like totally something you gotta do before you delve into like life.”  Deep thought.  Let’s all nod our heads in appreciation.

So, basically their conversation consisted of life-talk and what seemed like some kind of weird competition.  Each person was trying to impress the other person.  It went from academic competition to social competition.  The guy started talking about how he had three papers due on Monday and two exams coming up.  The girl mentioned that she had to read 200 pages by Monday and study for her  Biology test.  Then the guy began to talk about how he was still hungover from the party he went to last night, and the girl responded by saying, “oh ME TOO! That’s why I HAD to get some coffee.  I’m like so hungover from last night.”  Then the guy started bragging about how he did like 8 shots before he felt tipsy (oh really. 8 shots? riiiight), and the girl looked at him in awe.  It was ridiculous.  Are these the kind of things that guys say to impress girls these days?  Once they were done talking about this stuff, the guy told the girl about some party he was going to tonight and if she wanted a ride to the party.  She gladly accepted the offer, and then they both decided to part ways so they could sleep off their hangovers for a few hours before the crazy party tonight.  

It’s always interesting listening to what people talk about while they’re on a date.  There are those stereotypical conversations that revolve around questions like “what is your favorite (fill in the blank)?”  But the couple I was eavesdropping on seemed to focus on topics that they had in common (things revolving around the school that they both attend and the parties they both went to).  Is the reason why blind dates are so difficult and dreaded by people because there is no common ground?  Is it too much out of one’s comfort zone to start out knowing absolutely nothing about someone except for their name?  I personally think it's ok when two people don't have a whole lot in common.  You learn about new music, new food, new ideas, new opinions, etc.  I don't know.  Would you feel more comfortable going on a date with someone that you had a ton in common with or someone you didn't know a whole lot about?  

Rules on Texting

I’m currently talking to a guy who rarely texts me…so of course I rarely text him. I’m not the clingy type and I certainly don’t want to portray myself as such.  However, if you are trying to get to know someone, the obvious next step is to text them, right? Well, apparently some guys haven’t got the memo.

Now, to clarify, I’m not talking about texts ALL day long…I have a life, and I certainly hope you do as well. However, it gets frustrating when you haven’t heard from them. At this point you begin replaying all the “rules” you’ve heard on texting:

• If his texts are longer than yours, that’s a good thing. (What? Some people are more longwinded than others. It’s not an accurate portrayal of his interest)
• You should be talking consistently throughout the day. (What about your job?! What about his job?!)
• Emoticons are a good thing. They show his interest. (HA! I concur with my co-blogger on this one)
• Is he asking you questions? As in ending the text with a question because this demonstrates that he’s interested in keeping the conversation going. (This one really screws with my head. I get that it prolongs the conversation, and if a guy is interested he’ll do that; but what gets me is that shouldn’t the conversation flow naturally? It’s not an interview.)
• Is he the last person to text you? Or you him? (Come on now)
• Is he saying “haha” or “laughing” (via text) in reference to a joke or something you said? (This rule is a joke)

At the end of that litany begins the downward spiral. Well, he did rule number 1 a few times, 3 once, but he doesn’t do rules 2, 5 or 6. NO! He doesn’t like me. He’s lost interest. Did I say something in my last text to cause him to shift how he is with me (which often prompts your reviewing of all your past conversations with him, and let’s be honest here, this act helps no one).

Yes, I realize the above is the definition of overanalyzing (as will the section to follow); however, this is what those ridiculous rules have brought us to! They make you question your common sense…that you swear you’re in possession of! It also brings up a whole host of questions:

• How long should you wait before texting him back? (You text him, he texts you back right away, you text him back right away, and then there is no response until 7 hours later…at which point, as my co-blogger accurately points out, you get all sad – I’m using a sad face emoticon in my head)
• Do you need a clever anecdote to snare his interest at the beginning of each text? (Aka, an excuse to be texting him because obviously you can’t just say something casual. That means he’ll definitely know you’re interested and just wanted to touch base! Heaven forbid!)
• A follow up to the above question: Can you just text “hi?” Or is that borderline online dating crap, “Hey, I like your profile.” – this is predominantly directed for those in the early stages of getting to know someone.
• How deep into emotions, etc., should you get via text? (I'd think that texting paragraphs makes you seem clingy, especially in the early stages of dating. And if you reach relationship status, I have two words for you: CALL HIM!)
• Is how often he texts you truly an indicator of his level of interest? (I’d like to think no, but I’m honestly not sure. Obviously if he’s communicating with you, he’s most likely interested. But he has his own life, his own friends, his own stuff that he has to deal with, and that could honestly take the place of texting you.)

Now, I’ve talked to a few male friends, and friends of my roommate, about the above questions. Their response: If he texts you, he likes you. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. It’s that simple.

Is it? Is it really?

What I don’t think they realize is that we have to walk a fine line of not being clingy, but communicating our interest. Our texts can’t be too long, because then they complain we’re clinging. We can’t text too often…because that makes us clingy. It’s a vicious cycle.

Bottom line: The rules are what trip you up. You start overthinking because you have a checklist and the guy needs to follow it to show he’s interested…and that’s not really fair for the guy, and definitely not fun for you.

I don’t believe that one set of guidelines can be accurate for every situation. People are different. They respond and act differently to dating, to relationships, to different girls/guys.

So, any thoughts on the rules of texting? Are there any rules that are actually valid and can be universally applied?

“Emoticons :P :D :) ;) :$”

Emoticons.  Oh, how our world has evolved!  I remember when emoticons didn’t exist, and then one day, BAM! People are manipulating the alphabet and various symbols to look like human facial expressions...or rather caricatures of the human face. Facial expressions are a very important aspect of communication.  So many emotions are read from a person’s face.  Watching the lines on a person’s face morph and contort into a physical illustration of human feeling is beautiful!  And now, those beautiful expressions of emotions have been replaced with dorky looking combinations of letters and symbols called “emoticons”.  Even the word sounds all robotic and lacking feeling.  

Let me tell you, if you haven’t already noticed, I have never been a huge fan of emoticons.  However, once I stepped into the 21st century and bought my iPhone and downloaded a stupid little emoticon app, I just can't stop myself from using it. There are the cute ones that are smiling and/or winking or whatever, but then there are also really cracked out ones.  For example, there is an emoticon that appears to be a pile of SHIT (literally, you guys) smiling.  It's freakishly cute, and my friends and I utilize this emoticon frequently mostly because it’s ridiculous and funny. The only people that I am ever motivated to text an emoticon to are my friends and my family members. It's cute, and I don't mind it.

HOWEVER, I am not okay when a guy you are interested in sends emoticons. Why do guys send emoticons to girls they want to get to know better? It is really an instant turn off for me. It's just so emasculating! It feels as if you are no longer involved in a conversation with a person your age but rather an adolescent. Also, being overly cute is probably not a good sign. I'm not saying the guy has to be all muscles and testosterone but something about ;) just doesn't settle well with me. There was a guy in college that I was sort of interested in and wanted to get to know better. I had a crush on him. He was a looker. We would text each other randomly throughout the day, mostly dumb flirtatious stuff. One night, he texted me and asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him. His text said something along the lines of, "'Hey! I was wondering if you wanted to go check out 'Paranormal Activity' with me. It's guaranteed to be super scary :D" AH! His text message seemed scarier and creepier to me than the movie. You're asking me on a date to a horror movie and you end it with an open mouthed smiley face? Omg, did I accidentally drive into Creepville?! Because that is not where I thought I was going! I texted him back saying that I had plans and slowly cut him off. Poor kid. I hope he understood the adverse effects of texting girls emoticons like that.

There have been a few more instances where I have encountered unsolicited emoticons, but my next example came from a book. I am proud (and a little embarrassed) to say that I am about to reference the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. In the trilogy, S&M obsessed Christian Grey is portrayed as this adonis with a beautiful body, beautiful hair, the ability to seduce a woman's clothes off in seconds with his words and his stare, etc. etc. Well, my friends, Christian Grey the ultimate sex god utilizes emoticons. Yup. You picture hot, hot, hot and then :D and then :) and also ;). There are a few pages scattered here and there where he and his submissive (Look at me. Using S&M lingo. My mother would be so proud.) text or e-mail back and forth. She'll say something naughty, and he'll respond with something cheesy and conclude the message with an emoticon.  Once I saw the emoticons in my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, I instantly gave up on Christian Grey. Grow some balls.

So, just to be clear. I don't mind emoticons. I just don't think they're very cute coming from a guy you like. There's just something odd about it.