Rules on Texting

I’m currently talking to a guy who rarely texts me…so of course I rarely text him. I’m not the clingy type and I certainly don’t want to portray myself as such.  However, if you are trying to get to know someone, the obvious next step is to text them, right? Well, apparently some guys haven’t got the memo.

Now, to clarify, I’m not talking about texts ALL day long…I have a life, and I certainly hope you do as well. However, it gets frustrating when you haven’t heard from them. At this point you begin replaying all the “rules” you’ve heard on texting:

• If his texts are longer than yours, that’s a good thing. (What? Some people are more longwinded than others. It’s not an accurate portrayal of his interest)
• You should be talking consistently throughout the day. (What about your job?! What about his job?!)
• Emoticons are a good thing. They show his interest. (HA! I concur with my co-blogger on this one)
• Is he asking you questions? As in ending the text with a question because this demonstrates that he’s interested in keeping the conversation going. (This one really screws with my head. I get that it prolongs the conversation, and if a guy is interested he’ll do that; but what gets me is that shouldn’t the conversation flow naturally? It’s not an interview.)
• Is he the last person to text you? Or you him? (Come on now)
• Is he saying “haha” or “laughing” (via text) in reference to a joke or something you said? (This rule is a joke)

At the end of that litany begins the downward spiral. Well, he did rule number 1 a few times, 3 once, but he doesn’t do rules 2, 5 or 6. NO! He doesn’t like me. He’s lost interest. Did I say something in my last text to cause him to shift how he is with me (which often prompts your reviewing of all your past conversations with him, and let’s be honest here, this act helps no one).

Yes, I realize the above is the definition of overanalyzing (as will the section to follow); however, this is what those ridiculous rules have brought us to! They make you question your common sense…that you swear you’re in possession of! It also brings up a whole host of questions:

• How long should you wait before texting him back? (You text him, he texts you back right away, you text him back right away, and then there is no response until 7 hours later…at which point, as my co-blogger accurately points out, you get all sad – I’m using a sad face emoticon in my head)
• Do you need a clever anecdote to snare his interest at the beginning of each text? (Aka, an excuse to be texting him because obviously you can’t just say something casual. That means he’ll definitely know you’re interested and just wanted to touch base! Heaven forbid!)
• A follow up to the above question: Can you just text “hi?” Or is that borderline online dating crap, “Hey, I like your profile.” – this is predominantly directed for those in the early stages of getting to know someone.
• How deep into emotions, etc., should you get via text? (I'd think that texting paragraphs makes you seem clingy, especially in the early stages of dating. And if you reach relationship status, I have two words for you: CALL HIM!)
• Is how often he texts you truly an indicator of his level of interest? (I’d like to think no, but I’m honestly not sure. Obviously if he’s communicating with you, he’s most likely interested. But he has his own life, his own friends, his own stuff that he has to deal with, and that could honestly take the place of texting you.)

Now, I’ve talked to a few male friends, and friends of my roommate, about the above questions. Their response: If he texts you, he likes you. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. It’s that simple.

Is it? Is it really?

What I don’t think they realize is that we have to walk a fine line of not being clingy, but communicating our interest. Our texts can’t be too long, because then they complain we’re clinging. We can’t text too often…because that makes us clingy. It’s a vicious cycle.

Bottom line: The rules are what trip you up. You start overthinking because you have a checklist and the guy needs to follow it to show he’s interested…and that’s not really fair for the guy, and definitely not fun for you.

I don’t believe that one set of guidelines can be accurate for every situation. People are different. They respond and act differently to dating, to relationships, to different girls/guys.

So, any thoughts on the rules of texting? Are there any rules that are actually valid and can be universally applied?