“Emoticons :P :D :) ;) :$”

Emoticons.  Oh, how our world has evolved!  I remember when emoticons didn’t exist, and then one day, BAM! People are manipulating the alphabet and various symbols to look like human facial expressions...or rather caricatures of the human face. Facial expressions are a very important aspect of communication.  So many emotions are read from a person’s face.  Watching the lines on a person’s face morph and contort into a physical illustration of human feeling is beautiful!  And now, those beautiful expressions of emotions have been replaced with dorky looking combinations of letters and symbols called “emoticons”.  Even the word sounds all robotic and lacking feeling.  

Let me tell you, if you haven’t already noticed, I have never been a huge fan of emoticons.  However, once I stepped into the 21st century and bought my iPhone and downloaded a stupid little emoticon app, I just can't stop myself from using it. There are the cute ones that are smiling and/or winking or whatever, but then there are also really cracked out ones.  For example, there is an emoticon that appears to be a pile of SHIT (literally, you guys) smiling.  It's freakishly cute, and my friends and I utilize this emoticon frequently mostly because it’s ridiculous and funny. The only people that I am ever motivated to text an emoticon to are my friends and my family members. It's cute, and I don't mind it.

HOWEVER, I am not okay when a guy you are interested in sends emoticons. Why do guys send emoticons to girls they want to get to know better? It is really an instant turn off for me. It's just so emasculating! It feels as if you are no longer involved in a conversation with a person your age but rather an adolescent. Also, being overly cute is probably not a good sign. I'm not saying the guy has to be all muscles and testosterone but something about ;) just doesn't settle well with me. There was a guy in college that I was sort of interested in and wanted to get to know better. I had a crush on him. He was a looker. We would text each other randomly throughout the day, mostly dumb flirtatious stuff. One night, he texted me and asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him. His text said something along the lines of, "'Hey! I was wondering if you wanted to go check out 'Paranormal Activity' with me. It's guaranteed to be super scary :D" AH! His text message seemed scarier and creepier to me than the movie. You're asking me on a date to a horror movie and you end it with an open mouthed smiley face? Omg, did I accidentally drive into Creepville?! Because that is not where I thought I was going! I texted him back saying that I had plans and slowly cut him off. Poor kid. I hope he understood the adverse effects of texting girls emoticons like that.

There have been a few more instances where I have encountered unsolicited emoticons, but my next example came from a book. I am proud (and a little embarrassed) to say that I am about to reference the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. In the trilogy, S&M obsessed Christian Grey is portrayed as this adonis with a beautiful body, beautiful hair, the ability to seduce a woman's clothes off in seconds with his words and his stare, etc. etc. Well, my friends, Christian Grey the ultimate sex god utilizes emoticons. Yup. You picture hot, hot, hot and then :D and then :) and also ;). There are a few pages scattered here and there where he and his submissive (Look at me. Using S&M lingo. My mother would be so proud.) text or e-mail back and forth. She'll say something naughty, and he'll respond with something cheesy and conclude the message with an emoticon.  Once I saw the emoticons in my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, I instantly gave up on Christian Grey. Grow some balls.

So, just to be clear. I don't mind emoticons. I just don't think they're very cute coming from a guy you like. There's just something odd about it.