Putting in the Effort

When I woke up this morning, I walked to my closet, opened it up, and decided that I would put in some effort today.  I put on a cute, navy blue dress that I bought this weekend, black tights, quirky flats with little fox heads on the tips, and of course accessories (watch, rings, friendship bracelet).  I walked into the bathroom, did my normal routine and brushed my teeth, put on my make up to cover up the minor imperfections, carefully straightened my hair (no fly-aways, y’all! Hallelujah!), and then carefully messed it up (something’s up if your hair looks too perfect).  To top it all off, I grabbed my chambray blazer (just in case I got cold), and I waltzed through the front door to my car feeling like the world was quivering at my feet.  

So much effort! ZERO return.  Not a single person complimented me or even looked at me appreciatively.  I got a few blank stares from people and some women eyed my cute shoes (yeah, that’s right; keep walking. You can’t have these shoes!).  I probably looked like a douche bag exuding way too much confidence.  Anyway, when you dress nicely and feel confident, you would think that would resonate with other people (particularly guys).  I thought I deserved some kudos!  Even though I got no feedback concerning my outfit, I knew I felt great.  I knew that I had put in honest effort that day and that I still had some fight in me.  And so this brings me to today’s topic: effortlessness.   

Bri and I were discussing how women put in tons of effort in order to look effortless.  I do this almost everyday.  My friend in college and I had a running joke.  Whenever I’d see her at a party our first conversation would go something like this:

Friend: “Girl you look so effortless.”
Me: “Thanks! It only took me 50 minutes!”
Friend: “OH EM GEE! Only 5 minutes more than last time!”
Me: “I know, riiiiight?!”

What I usually do is I’ll prep my outfit, do my hair, and then carefully dishevel everything in front of my bedroom mirror.  It’s pretty psychotic.  Going through all that trouble to look nice only to flip my hair back and forth or make sure part of my shirt is slightly wrinkled and the sleeve is partly rolled up while one is almost perfectly rolled up.  For me, I think I’m afraid of looking too high maintenance.  Ironic, I know.  I put so much effort into looking effortless.  When I get compliments after all of this prep, I usually lie (because of sheer embarrassment) and say, “Oh, this? I just threw it on.  Was in a hurry” and then nervously laugh.  See?! Psychotic. 

So, my question is what do guys like? Do they like when you put in effort and look polished and pretty?  Or do they like the girls who look like they just rolled out of bed after a badass night out at a rock concert (using “rock concert” as a general term for all events that involve drinking and staying out late)?  I’ve run into a few problems with this whole thang.  A while back, I went to a party dressed nicely.  Everyone else looked great, and I got compliments on my dress and shoes.  Of course, there were lots of cute guys at the party, so I thought I would schmooze a little and see if I still knew how to flirt (I don’t know how to flirt by the way; I’ll save that story for a rainy day).  I was talking to a group of guys, and it was going alright.  Suddenly a small group of people walked into the party.  One person in the group was a girl who had messy hair, was tall and slim and wearing ripped jeans, a white t-shirt, and a blazer.  She looked cool.  Like, next to her, I looked like fucking Betty Draper (circa season 5 of Mad Men).  So that night was a complete bust once cool girl showed up.  On another night, I tried looking very cool and tastefully disheveled: jeans, TOMs, flannel button down shirt, messy hair (I would just like to point out that I am A PRO at making my hair look messy but cool).  I was comfortable, and I felt like myself.  Besides, I was in no mood to dress up.  Of course, once I get to the party people are in cute dresses or cute outfits consisting of heels,  makeup, flirty tops, chic hairdos, and all kinds of fanciness that I was totally lacking.  That was the night I primarily hung out (mainly in the shadows) with my girl friends because I didn’t want any of the guys to think I was some weird, awkward loser.  It’s just hard to gauge what the atmosphere will be like at times, you know?  Anyway, I guess the only important thing is to make sure that you look and feel confident.  If you feel confident then that will resonate with others?  What do you guys think? 

I’m done thinking about this for the day.  Going to go to bed and prep myself for another day of looking beautifully disheveled and cool! Maybe I should take some style cues from M.I.A. She seems to have her life figured out.  Check her out!