The Set Up

It is practically a given that at some point during your dating career you will be set up. In the beginning you are perhaps hesitant to accept these male offerings (chocolate chip cookies anyone?); however, you reach a certain point (once the bar scene has lost all promise and your hopes of running into Mr. Right at a bookstore or coffee shop are abandoned) where you think to yourself, “Why not. What could it hurt?”

There is absolutely no shame in being set up, and it takes the brunt of the work off your shoulders (NOT that you should be lazy about dating, but it’s nice to take a break from actively trying to date).

In my opinion, there are essentially two ways to be set up. The first: through your friends (I throw coworkers into this group). The second: through your family. I’ve had the first happen a few times, had two failed follow throughs with the second and am currently again in the process of the second.

Now, your friends stepping into the fray tends to be preferable to your parents/family doing so, even if it is your friend’s boyfriend’s friend’s friend or your kind of friend’s coworker’s brother. After all, they’ve quite likely been out with you in a social setting and have seen firsthand the type of guys that you are attracted to, or if not that, then are fairly aware of how you think and what you’d be interested in.

As for your family…well, there is something galling about your parents being so aware of your lack of love life that they feel it necessary to find you a person to date (if you're still at this stage, don't worry - it passes).

Friends also know valuable information, like the details about the guy.

When you ask your parents questions, it’s hard to have an intelligent conversation considering these are the typical responses…in my household at least:

Me: “What’s he look like?”

Parents: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Really? You didn’t think to ask that?” At my mom’s negative headshake I continue with, “Well, what does he do?”

Parents: “He’s a substitute teacher.” (They tend to know the answer to this question…I’m not surprised)

Me: “How old is he?”

Parents: “Twenty two, twenty three…I think.”

Me: “Mom, are you even sure you talked to his aunt?” (As you’ve probably guessed, this is a real conversation I had with my mother not too long ago. The topic: the latest guy in the trio of set ups)

Considering that little gems like the above conversation occur with your parents setting you up, I am going to focus my stories around that.

Let’s begin.

The first attempt came a couple summers ago when my dad called me about something and casually (uh huh) mentioned his friend’s son and if I was interested in meeting him. I was 1. Mortified, which quickly transitioned into 2. A flustered state, accompanied by some awkward laughter and me stammering, all of which led to 3. A voice that sounded suspiciously like my own saying, “Well…I guess that’d be ok.”

“WHAT?!” my brain seemed to be screaming at me. This is your dad. YOUR DAD! How far you’ve fallen, Brianna!

Turns out, nothing happened. I can't lie...I was disappointed. After my initial negative reaction, I was kind of looking forward to it. It was nice that I was being set up…it made me feel like I was in a movie, and I always love real life’s movie moments.

The second attempt came shortly after graduating from college. My mom is a preschool teacher and I would go in occasionally to help her. On one of these visits, one of my mom’s coworker’s son and daughter were also there. The son is a year or so older than I am and naturally, after learning that we’re both single, they wanted to hook us up.

Again, nothing happened. The guy didn't pursue anything, but to be fair to him, neither did I. Lesson learned: you cannot wait around on a guy to make up his mind to initiate or to pursue you.

So now that I am currently in the midst of my parent’s THIRD attempt, I have decided to take a more proactive approach, which at the basic level entails me asking how the situation is progressing (a question I refused to voice previously). Therefore, when my mom asked if I’d be ok meeting this one guy, I chuckled and said, “Sure!” and came back to the topic specifying the circumstances I’d prefer to meet him in (see, proactive!).

After I agreed, and said that I’d prefer to meet him for coffee, my mom didn’t mention him for a while. Randomly, I brought up a race I’m participating in and she said that after it I should go over to this guy’s aunt’s house (my mom’s friend) and meet him then. The race is in November. That’s two months away. I’m not going to wait around that long. If we’re going to do this, let’s do this! Which is exactly what I told her. The result: she’s talking to her friend sooner.

So I’ve learned two things from both friends and family helping me out in the dating department:

1. Embrace the set up! It can be awkward, but it’s an opportunity that you should take advantage of. You never know when or where you’ll meet a good guy.

2. Be proactive! Don’t sit back and wait for your friends, family or coworkers to remember that they were going to set you up. It’s ok to touch base with them about it.

(And I will certainly keep you posted on my mother’s latest effort!)