Casual Encounters

No, this doesn’t have anything to do with the Craigslist Casual Encounters section. Disappointing, I know. Although don’t get your hopes up. This, my friends, is about exactly what it sounds like. Things are about to get personal…in a purely hypothetical situation sense (had you fooled for a second, didn’t I?)

Scenario: So you and a guy (we shall call him Bobby) have a “casual encounter.” Obviously a certain level of interest exists; however, how much interest on Bobby’s part remains to be seen. Time passes; there is very little communication and then the communication flat lines. As months go by life continues, you meet new people, blah blah blah, and then, out of the blue, Bobby contacts you. Wait for it…he will most likely be returning to town shortly (okay, so maybe this is a little personal). While I – I mean you – would like to be all high and mighty, high and mighty doesn’t enter into your playbook. Not to mention that you know the guy isn’t a bad guy, the type of guy you often run into at bars who is blatantly...not a quality fellow. Therefore, you are left feeling slightly unsure and not aware of how best to approach this situation.

If you go into it with the same attitude that most men approach women with (by this I mean going into an encounter, sexual or otherwise, to have fun and to not overanalyze), is there a need to get wrapped up in…dun dun dun…THE FUTURE? (dramatic music playing in the background) Absolutely not, and logically I think we all know that…at some level anyways. Yet, despite that knowledge, doubts and fears rise to the surface. Going into any interaction then becomes a struggle because instead of simply having fun, you are too busy overanalyzing: Oh my gosh, he said “this.” Does that mean he likes me? He touched my arm. Was it a “Hey, I think you’re a great friend” touch or a “You’re so hot and I like you” touch? This (waving hands expansively) is EXACTLY what I am, and I’m sure a lot of us are, trying so hard to avoid. It is hardly an attractive quality and surely sends men packing. (Awareness is the first step, ladies!)

All that being said, if casual encounters aren’t your thing, or if you don’t have enough experience with them to know if they are a fit for you, how do you approach the situation? Fake it till you make it? Pretend that you’re okay with a casual fling and then try and move on in private once he fades back into the woodwork, which he most likely will. They say patience is a virtue (cliché phrase, but you get the point), but I say it sucks.  So I guess this scenario brings to the fore a valuable question: How long do you wait for a guy?

In one of the many eHarmony advice columns that my roommate sends me, I ran across one that talked about how men move slower and take more time to recognize their feelings for you. That is all well and good, but now what? Unfortunately, eHarmony didn’t give a time line, but I think that a timeline is something that each woman needs to determine for herself. If after X amount of weeks or months the same pattern continues, then it is probably time to move on and find someone new.

So what are your views on casual encounters? Are they are a good thing? A bad thing? A waste of time? 

Opposites Attract!

Occasionally when I'm out people-watching (ok, fine.  All the time), I notice a few couples who make me think to myself, "How the hell did that work out?!"  They're just so dissimilar.  So opposite.  They look like they wouldn't work in a million years!  There are lots of couples like that out there in the world.  Even celebrity couples.  For example, when Evan Rachel Wood started going steady with Marilyn Manson (YIKES) people were up in arms and so confused.  I mean Evan Rachel Wood is so beautiful and a great actress.  Marilyn Manson is just...well, he's fucking scary!  Opposites attract.  And then there's Christina Hendricks and her guy (I don't even know what his name is, that's how much it doesn't make sense to me).

I went to dinner with my mom tonight and the couple sitting at the table next to us was SO different.  The girl was very conservatively dressed in a cute quarter length sleeve dress and tights--she even had a Blair Waldorf-esque headband on her hair.  The guy was a complete hippy.  He was wearing ripped up jeans, sandals, beat up flannel shirt.  I kid you not, I think I stared at them several times during dinner trying to come up with a scenario in which the two of them would meet up.  Maybe at a college party where the girl stumbled across him hanging out in a drum circle with his buddies lighting up a bong perhaps?  Or maybe he stumbled across her at a sorority sponsored on-campus function with free refreshments?  Maybe they had a class together?  The possibilities are endless and oddly college-y.  I was getting a vibe that they were still in college.  They were different but totally adorable together.  Just so comfortable with each other and so happy! It was kind of refreshing to see.

Whenever I see couples that seem like complete opposites, it makes me question myself and whether I am limiting myself in the romance department.  Maybe I am not opening myself up for more opportunities by having such a formulaic dream guy in my head.  I always picture/fantasize myself ending up with that one specific type of guy (I won't go into any details regarding what kind of guy I would love to end up in a relationship with because y'all would laugh at me.  It's horribly specific and...now that I'm writing this post...seemingly unrealistic).  I never imagine myself in a different scenario.  Well, even if I do venture off the beaten path I tend to get scared and revert to what I already know.  It totally sucks.  I'm sure I'm limiting my possibilities.  I should probably be more open to accepting advances from other types of guys...it's a scary proposition but maybe my Marilyn Manson is waiting for me!  Hahahaha jk.  I really don't want to date someone like Marilyn Manson...I mean c'mon.  Those of you who know me cannot imagine me with someone like that.  Anyway, I guess I should try to be open to other options at this point in my life.  What do you guys think?  Stick to what you know/what you innately like? Or veer off and try something new? It's daunting but possibly very exciting!

He's Just Not That Into You

Rejection is never fun, whether it is from a guy you barely know or from someone you have been dating for years. Unfortunately, it is a fact that we all face rejection at one time or another (who knew that the grocery store could be such a harrowing experience for you confidence?). However, once you’ve been rejected, how do you move on? How do you cope with their disinterest while you remain interested in them? Do you go out and flirt/date lots of other men? (Safety - as concerns your emotions – in numbers?) Do you stay at home and read a book or watch a movie? (I tend to fall into this category. Pity party anyone?) Do you have a girl’s night?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and to be perfectly frank, I didn’t come up with a superior solution – or any solution that sticks. Personally, it depends on the guy, how into him I was, the kind of day I’m having, how busy I am – all obvious points, perhaps, yet somehow in the moment I disregard all of this…logic, and instead focus on the bag of white chocolate chips and the adorable romance of Jim and Pam on The Office (as my co-blogger accurately pointed out not too long ago, Jim and Pam are so darn cute that you cannot help but be envious. Perhaps the romantic element of the show is not the wisest choice to watch; however, I can’t seem to stay away).

Back to the topic at hand: I realize that given time the attraction might fade and you naturally move on. This is especially the case if you are incredibly bogged down at work, or entertaining new men or activities in your life. However, I am specifically referring to the period before you reach this point; right after the “break up” or let down (if in fact you were never officially dating him) of nothing further developing with a guy. The time when you cannot help but reflect upon “the good old days” when everything was peachy keen. “The good old days” consisting of the five minutes you spent with him, but, oh, in those five minutes you could tell that he was feeling the magic that obviously exists between the two of you.

Yes, I am exaggerating, while poking fun at myself, because those thoughts are so romanticized (my fault here) and clearly delusional (again, my fault). I (we?) get so caught up in how we are feeling, how great we think things are going, that we potentially misread the situation. I am not saying that we are oblivious to the vibes a guy sends out, but perhaps it is partly true as concerns the extent of their interest. Guys say women are hard to read, but I certainly have no idea what men are thinking 99% of the time.

Thoughts?

Oops...

So, definitely flirted with a guy already in a relationship with some other girl who doesn't live in town.  Oops! He was flirting with me first!

My question is for those who are in relationships: how do you feel when you see your partner flirting with someone else?  Or do you in any way become concerned that your partner may be shamelessly flirting with other people while out with friends?

I talked to my friend last night and she said that if he's not locked down then it's not a big deal.  Basically he doesn't know what he's missing and it's my duty to show him that!  It just seems so morally wrong!

This kind of reminds me of My Best Friend's Wedding where Julia Roberts's character shamelessly flirts with her male friend even though she knows that he has a fiancé.  She believes that she can somehow change his mind.  Now, I'm not saying that I am going to go out of my way to pursue this guy and try to change his mind.  I'm not that crazy...and also I honestly don't even know him that well.  If I ever see him again then I will definitely talk to him but not sure if I should continue to shamelessly flirt with him.  I feel like it's not right to his girlfriend who is not there to defend what is hers...

Haha, moral issues y'all!

It's the weekend, and I will leave you with a few interesting things that I've stumbled across this week:

Yeah.  David Beckham's H&M ads for the holidays.  Praise Rudolph!

I was initially super excited about this movie....but not so much anymore.  World War Z.

Should you really count on a guy to feel good about yourself?  This article explores this topic...with an assist from Kim Kardashian HAHA.

Santigold is pretty cool.

Le sigh.  Remember when he was in The Phantom Menace as Obi-wan?

Alright well I'm goin' out!  Peace out, homies! 

"Excuse me...can I talk to you for a minute?"

I am by no stretch of the imagination socially inept; however, when I am not familiar with my surroundings I can certainly get a little awkward.

That being said, I recently decided to join a running group. I’ve been looking to expand my social network for quite some time considering that the majority of my friends live out of state, and I figured that this would be an excellent place to start. However, that means interacting with people I’ve never met before while possibly looking like a slow paced buffoon while running (thank goodness the majority of the meet ups are at night).

The last thing I wanted to do – and unfortunately what I envisioned happening – was showing up, clamming up and running by myself. This would totally defeat the purpose of joining, which is to run socially.

The night came when I was going to make myself go. I literally had to force myself to get dressed, walk to my car, drive…you get the picture. I pulled into the parking lot where we were supposed to meet, glanced around, moved my car, looked around some more, decided to stay in my car, and then thankfully a friend called and the embarrassing process came to a halt. While still on the phone with her I bravely exited my car and started meandering over. Upon hanging up I…knocked it out of the park! I immediately began introducing myself to everybody, and it turned out that they are all very nice people – shocker, I know.

While I’m talking to one of the older guys in the group, I see an incredibly attractive young man join the group from the corner of my eye. My senses immediately perk up. Running group just got interesting.

Now, in the past I would have 1. Stood there, subtly stealing glances at him 2. Done nothing 3. Continued to stare hoping he did something and 4. Clam up and run by myself.

Well, not this time my friends! I saw him (he was conversing with another guy), finished my conversation, quickly (and I actually do mean quickly) gathered my nerves, and walked right over and introduced myself. It was glorious! While I was slightly nervous, I managed to be coherent and I think fun and teasing. The nice thing was that he was teasing back. I’m not saying this is the start of something magical, but it’s a start to actually talk to the guy!

There’s not much more to share about our interactions during the rest of the night because there weren’t any. We ran (him quite a ways in front of me…I couldn’t even enjoy the view), came back and everyone chatted for a bit and then we all parted ways. However, I still classify the night as a success. I approached a guy! And not just any guy, but one that I am attracted to. That might not seem like a big deal, but for me it is a HUGE step in the right direction.

I think the most exciting thing was not that I talked to a hot guy - although don’t get me wrong, that was awesome - but that I proved that I was capable of something I didn’t think I was. That my hard work – and I have been working extremely hard on this – is paying off and I am strengthening a weaker personal area. A shift has occurred and I definitely want to keep on this same path…especially if it leads to more interactions with hot running guy!

Lazy

Since I recently moved into the cutest fucking house with two of my friends, I have been obsessed with getting it set up and cozy and just livable.  It's been a slow process because the three of us are busy grown ass women.  Getting something as simple as a banana hammock (Yep.  To hang your bananas.  Get yo' mind outta the gutter! Or maybe I should get mine out of the gutter...) made us incredibly excited about the house and living in it.  This weekend we finally got a microwave.  I know that it's possible to live without one but having it just makes life so much easier!  It makes heating up leftovers and stuffing my face with them a much more efficient process so that I can hunker down with a glass of wine and some Netflix.  Anyway, once the microwave was all set up and we ooed and ahhed over it, I called my mom to tell her about it (yeah, I was THAT excited about it).  After raving to her about how amazing having the microwave is going to be she said to me, "Wow! You have a fridge, a TV, a microwave!  Now all you need is a boyfriend!"

Yeah. My mom just compared having a microwave to having a boyfriend.  Like it's the same as owning an electrical non-necessity.  Ok, so you see how I described the primary reason why I wanted a microwave?  I wanted to be able to heat up my leftover shit, so I could eat it quickly.  Having the microwave makes life easier and allows me to be lazier.  Is having a boyfriend supposed to just make life easier for me?  I think having a boyfriend means that you can let yourself go with certain things.  I've seen girls who kind of give up on shaving, doing their eyebrows, feeling the need to constantly be put together, etc.  Since you're locked down, it gives you reason to just not give a fuck.  It must be a great feeling!

I just thought it was hilarious/crazy that getting a fridge or a microwave can be comparable to finding a boyfriend to some people.  After my mom made that comment to me I began to ask her where I should get one: order one online or go out and buy one.  I prefer online shopping over physically going to a store to get something because I get easily annoyed by over eager sales associates and overwhelmed by all the physically present options.  I guess this kind of gets down to the root of some of my problems with "getting a guy": I'm lazy.  I want a boyfriend but don't want to have to go out and get one.  I want one to come to my doorstep: polished and ready to go.  Acknowledging that I have this problem makes it a little easier to solve the problem.  Sigh.  I'm working on it guys haha!

The Old Spinster Cat Lady

Recently, I started volunteering as an Adoption Counselor. Basically, for two hours once a week I get to love on some adorable kittens and subtly push adoptions. After about a week there, I started fostering a kitten. I had been thinking about getting one for a few months and figured that fostering was a smart way for me to figure out if I wanted the responsibility, liked having one, etc.

Okay, I know what you’re all thinking. OF COURSE she’s going to keep it. My friends said as much from the get-go. To be clear, I was dead set on giving this kitten back. I told everybody within shouting distance that I was NOT keeping him!

And yes, of course, over time he grew on me. I got used to him being around – in fact he’s laying half on me as I write this. It is so nice to come back to my apartment and have him be there and be excited to see me – even if the first thing he wants is food (can I blame him?) Anyways, I decided on Wednesday that I am going to fill out an application to adopt him.

Now amidst the excitement and nerves, one thought popped into my head: Am I already on my way to becoming the old spinster cat lady?

Think about it. I’m single. I am showing no signs of not being single in the immediate future. I own a rocking chair (no shame here, but a valid point). I read romance novels (again no shame, but still). And now I have a cat…who sits in my lap while reading, rocking or writing blog posts about being single. It’s comical really.

Logically I know that one cat does not equate to “old crotchety spinster woman who surrounds herself with hoards of cats to make up for a lack of male companionship.” I know I am being silly, and if I were to be perfectly honest, I do find humor in my situation and kind of enjoy it - anything that makes me feel like I’m in a RomCom can’t be too bad (girl seeking professional career, longing for that perfect romantic relationship, adopts young kitten who becomes her companion [this is where the humor in the film seeps in] and then meets unattached male [male protagonist obviously], falling desperately for him and they end up happily ever after).

Now, if I were adopting a dog instead, this wouldn’t be a concern. I would be cool because I could go to dog parks and meet men that way. Take my dog running with me and meet men that way. You get the idea. I have definitely fallen in with the stereotype/stigma attached to single women owning cats. It’s certainly not fair for me, and definitely not for others out there in a similar situation or any situation with a cat(s).

What are your thoughts on the cat lady stereotype? Is it true? Unfair?