Casual Encounters

No, this doesn’t have anything to do with the Craigslist Casual Encounters section. Disappointing, I know. Although don’t get your hopes up. This, my friends, is about exactly what it sounds like. Things are about to get personal…in a purely hypothetical situation sense (had you fooled for a second, didn’t I?)

Scenario: So you and a guy (we shall call him Bobby) have a “casual encounter.” Obviously a certain level of interest exists; however, how much interest on Bobby’s part remains to be seen. Time passes; there is very little communication and then the communication flat lines. As months go by life continues, you meet new people, blah blah blah, and then, out of the blue, Bobby contacts you. Wait for it…he will most likely be returning to town shortly (okay, so maybe this is a little personal). While I – I mean you – would like to be all high and mighty, high and mighty doesn’t enter into your playbook. Not to mention that you know the guy isn’t a bad guy, the type of guy you often run into at bars who is blatantly...not a quality fellow. Therefore, you are left feeling slightly unsure and not aware of how best to approach this situation.

If you go into it with the same attitude that most men approach women with (by this I mean going into an encounter, sexual or otherwise, to have fun and to not overanalyze), is there a need to get wrapped up in…dun dun dun…THE FUTURE? (dramatic music playing in the background) Absolutely not, and logically I think we all know that…at some level anyways. Yet, despite that knowledge, doubts and fears rise to the surface. Going into any interaction then becomes a struggle because instead of simply having fun, you are too busy overanalyzing: Oh my gosh, he said “this.” Does that mean he likes me? He touched my arm. Was it a “Hey, I think you’re a great friend” touch or a “You’re so hot and I like you” touch? This (waving hands expansively) is EXACTLY what I am, and I’m sure a lot of us are, trying so hard to avoid. It is hardly an attractive quality and surely sends men packing. (Awareness is the first step, ladies!)

All that being said, if casual encounters aren’t your thing, or if you don’t have enough experience with them to know if they are a fit for you, how do you approach the situation? Fake it till you make it? Pretend that you’re okay with a casual fling and then try and move on in private once he fades back into the woodwork, which he most likely will. They say patience is a virtue (cliché phrase, but you get the point), but I say it sucks.  So I guess this scenario brings to the fore a valuable question: How long do you wait for a guy?

In one of the many eHarmony advice columns that my roommate sends me, I ran across one that talked about how men move slower and take more time to recognize their feelings for you. That is all well and good, but now what? Unfortunately, eHarmony didn’t give a time line, but I think that a timeline is something that each woman needs to determine for herself. If after X amount of weeks or months the same pattern continues, then it is probably time to move on and find someone new.

So what are your views on casual encounters? Are they are a good thing? A bad thing? A waste of time?