Hopefully Some Helpful Online Dating Tips

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/ladies-5-online-dating-mistakes-you’re-making#1

In one of the very first posts on Spinster Sisters, I wrote about online dating. My views (that while it is fine for many people, it is not for me) have not changed; however, considering that it is a great source for singles to meet, I thought I would share the above article, and hopefully it will provide some helpful tips to increase your chances of meeting some great guys. 

Crazy Dating Trends

First things first: check out this article on crazy dating trends. 

1. (Pheromone parties) I'm sorry, what? You want me to bring my shirt that I just worked out in to a party where a guy can smell the armpits of it? Pass.
2. (Ghost dating) There is nothing spooky about this. It's off-putting. I don't want some stranger handling all the correspondence of the man I'm potentially interested in. It's impersonal and deceitful.
3. (Airport dating) I have to say that airport dating is intriguing...possibly because it has romantic comedy written all over it.
4. (Reverse commuting) This seems a bit much. I understand wanting to find a "very normal, very sweet, very unassuming" man, but I don't think they are thinking too far in advance. Obviously if they can easily get to these places, dating a man from there might not be a problem. However, I think this could be setting yourself up for some future woes.
5. (Dating school) A dating school isn't necessarily a bad idea. For some this might indeed give them the tools to get out there, but the point is that they have to get out there. So as long as the "homework" includes chatting up the local coffee shop hottie, then I'm all for it!
6. (Dating as an art form) While having the man (or woman) you are with watch you sleep is okay (and I don't mean creepily hovering over you staring, but as in they wake up first and...it's romantic, okay), having a bunch of strangers/potential partners not only be able to watch you sleep and choose who they want to approach, but be able to kiss you is…not my thing to say the least. I have problem with guys getting too grabby at a bar (some guy was literally grabbing my shoulders holding me in place not too long ago...but that's a different story). This might not be my thing, but hey, points for creativity!
7. (Building your dream partner) Has anyone every played Sims? The game where you build your dream home and you can pick your character and what your boyfriend/girlfriend looks like? Oh! And there is also a boyfriend app on the iPhone. Anyways, this is what that reminds me of, and it has a whole host of issues. I feel like a problem women run into (myself included) is having an ideal man and not being willing to consider other options. It's a distorted reality. I get that the idea is to try and match people based on compatibility, increasing your chances for success; however, the man who you might think is the best fit for you, may turn out to be the worst. You can't base a relationship off appearances.
8. (Discriminatory dating) Wow. I get everyone has a type, but this again is basing everything off appearances.  
9. (Faux girlfriends) Rent a girlfriend? Really? I'm sorry. I can't see the positive here. This is a way out; a way to keep individuals scared of dating from actually doing anything about their current single state.
10. (Doomsday dating) I don't know about you, but I would want to spend my last day/hours/minutes with someone I love - family, friends, pets, etc. - not someone that I recently met so I could not be single when I die. 
11. (Words with Friends) I don't know about this one. I’m indifferent.
12. (Couponing) This may become the "new normal" on a first date, but I still have a problem with it. 
13. (Food focused dating) Taking a cooking class together sounds like fun...and you'd get to see a lot of different character traits during your time spent together.
14. (Face matching) Interesting concept. Although, I'm more interested in the research and reasoning behind why we are attracted to those who have similar facial features than I am to exploring this as a dating option.
15. (Pet dating) Okay, I am that person who if a potential partner isn’t okay with pets and/or my pet does not like them, it raises a red flag. But as with No. 14, I don’t know if this would feature into my dating options.
16. (Sugar dating) You want a sugar daddy? Two words: grow up.
17. (Date shopping) A free man with purchase?! Sign me up! Can I use the site to build my dream partner first? I kid, I kid.
18. (Holidating) I don’t think this is safe.
19. (Furry dating) This is awesome. How hysterical would this be if you actually went through with it? However, this is probably best left to friends and those who have been dating for a while…unless your blind date also likes to dress up as animals.
20. (The pre-prenup) Can you not have the same boundaries and the ability to negotiate without a contract? My mind went to the Fifty Shades of Grey contract...wrong type.
21. (Zombie dating) I’m sorry, no.
22. (Negging) HAHAHA! Scenario: Guy: “You look really fat in those jeans. What were you thinking?” Girl: “Uhhhhh…” Guy: “So uh, we should totally go out sometime. But don’t worry. I’ll come over first and pick out your outfit so you don’t embarrass yourself again.”
23. (Proximity dating) The good old fashion approach is the way to go.
24. (Rural dating) If it works, awesome!
25. (Professional wing dating) Sounds like the rent a girlfriend one. I know that this girl functions as a wingman, but still. Not sitting right with me. 

Wait...Where'd You Go?!

You are dating a guy, things are going great (the honeymoon phase of dating) and you are falling fast. Then, after some time, this niggling feeling creeps up on you. Something is off, but you choose to ignore the signs. He’s not spending as much time with you, his texts are more infrequent and/or the tone of his message has shifted, he’s spending more time with his friends, he gets defensive easily, and so on and so forth. Or perhaps you have experienced this only through hearsay (aka your friend who shares her dating woes). Regardless, the man in question has withdrawn, or disappeared.

According to this article that I read, Disappearing Reappearing Man: What To Do (and the good natured advice/lectures from my sister and friends), how you react next is crucial.

Our instinct when we sense him pulling away is to push ourselves closer, which we think effectively re-snares his interest. However, this in fact has the opposite effect. Instead of trying to pull him closer, give him space; pull back completely, taking yourself entirely out of the picture. Not only will this time apart help determine whether or not a future can possibly exist for the two of you, but you will have the time to figure out what you want. You may find that you are no longer interested, or that it is not worth your time and energy to make him a priority.

So check out the article and tell me what you think (it’s not as long as it appears to be…the last half is filled with viewer commentary).

"Mid-Winter/I Wish It was Spring" Playlist

At this point, I'm so f-cking tired of winter.  I would love warmer, longer days.  We have a cute swing on our front porch, and I want to sit there so badly.  I tried doing that last week with a blanket, a hot cup of coffee, and my book.  I toughed it out for about twenty minutes until I decided that it was too damn cold to try being emo on the front porch swing.  You know how there are rain dances to make it rain?  Well,  I'm dancing to the playlist below to make Spring come sooner.

1.  "I'm a Lady" by Santigold
2.  "Breezeblocks" by Alt-J
3.  "It's Only Life" by The Shins
4.  "Elephant" by Tame Impala
5.  "F-ckin' Problems" by ASAP Rocky
6.  "Lights (Bassnectar Remix)" by Ellie Goulding
7.  "Kemosabe" by Everything Everything
8.  "Flaggin' A Ride" by Divine Fits
9.  "Wild for the Night" by ASAP Rocky

C'mon, Spring!

Bars

I totally forgot to tell y'all a story about some random Indian guy who hit on me at a new bar a few months ago. I'll tell you the story now since nothing exciting related to the opposite sex has happened in my life recently.  

A new bar had opened back in November, and my friend and I decided to go check it out and have a girls night.  We get there, and the bar is of course really packed.  We had about a 40 minute wait for a table so we decided to sit at the bar and drink.  Things were going well.  The bar itself is pretty cool.  It's a bit on the trendy side.  All the waiters wear jeans and chambray shirts...trendy.  The chairs are stainless steel, hardwood galore, and lightbulbs hang nonchalantly from the ceilings.  The bar is generally crawling with the type of people that are not usually my cup of tea: young professionals, lots of couples, and snobby men and women.  I think the only reason I go back on occasion is for the foods.  They have a unique menu with a variety of options: for example, that night I had a seared tuna salad.  It wasn't super creative but you can't go wrong with seared tuna.  Also, I had a gin fizz drink that was made with egg whites!  So cool! And tasty.  The egg white gave it a vanilla quality.  Anyway, I just realized that I'm giving you a full blown critique of the bar and not progressing with my story.  After stuffing our faces with appetizers and downing a couple of drinks, me and my friend finally got our table.  As we were being seated, my friend recognized a guy that she had met a few times.  He was a nice guy and decided to sit with us and flirt with my friend the whole time.  He seemed nice, so I just sat there eating, drinking, and people watching.  

As I'm listening to my friend tell a story, I notice a super dorky looking guy walking over to our table.  I don't think anything of it until he walks right up to me and introduces himself to me.  My initial reaction is, "Oh god.  Why is this happening right now."  After telling me his name and shaking my hand, he gives me a folded up napkin and says, "So, my friend over at the bar wanted me to give you his number."  He pointed to the guy, and it was this super fob-ey ("fob" meaning fresh off the boat) who started to fervently wave at me.  He had an incredibly goofy look on his face.  He was wearing an embarrassingly tight shirt and looked like he had a shit ton of gel in his hair.  I didn't smile or wave back.  I looked at his friend and said, "Ok. Thanks." After the guy walked away, I turned to my friend and said, "Ok we have to get out of here.  Get our checks!"  Our waitress brought us our checks and as I'm taking my credit card out to pay, the Indian guy walks up to the table and stands right in front of me.  He taps me on the shoulder and says, "Hi! I just wanted to make sure that you got my number.  I would like to get to know you better.  Please call me.  Please."  You guys, I wanted to die.  He had the thickest accent, his stupid skin tight shirt had shimmery silver writing on it, and in all honesty I'm pretty sure he was gay.  Gay and confused.  He kept pleading with me to call him, and I kept giving him very vague responses.  Stuff like "Hmm...I'm sorry what did you say?  I can't hear very well" or "I'm like really busy for the rest of my life."  I really just wanted him to go away and leave me alone.  I wasn't attracted to the guy, and I mean there's the whole he-might-be-gay thing.  He stood at our table for a while because my friend's guy friend started talking to him.  It was excruciating.  As he walked away from our table, he pointed at me and said very loudly, "PLEASE CALL ME."  I wanted to die.  I took the napkin with his number on it, crumpled it up, and stuffed it under the left over food on my plate.  I'm pretty sure the whole bar saw that interaction and felt sorry for me.  

I attract weirdos.  Enough said.  Anyway, that was the last time I was genuinely hit on by a guy.  I am very sure at this point that there is no way to meet a decent guy at a bar while you're out; I think Aziz Ansari can attest to the fact that bars are not proper settings for meeting your soulmate.  

If you have any awkward/embarrassing/funny stories about guys hitting on you at bars, please share them with me!  I'd love for you to help me feel better about myself!