What's the Dealio?

When you are out there in the dating world, chances are that you will be dating multiple men simultaneously. In fact, if you read what eHarmony writers post, you will know that this is encouraged for it keeps you from becoming too invested, too involved, too ruminative about one guy. It also provides the perfect opportunity to figure out what traits appeal most to you, discover behaviors that are off-putting; in short, determine what you like and what you are looking for.

This is all well and good; however, at some point feelings will naturally progress with one or two gentlemen, as the others fall by the wayside. This leaves you in an interesting spot. In all fairness, and out of respect for the other person, you cannot in good conscience continue seeing both men – unless you are only interested in casual dating. So, where do you go from here? As I see it, you have one option with two different conversational paths. You have to have a talk to get on the same page – I’m not talking a serious, drawn out conversation that is awkward and uncomfortable for you both, but one where you both understand what the other wants/is looking for. Now, path one is that you tell both men you are interested in seeing other people (thus casually dating); path two, you tell one man that you are looking for an exclusive relationship. Sounds easy enough, right?

If you are anything like me, this is where you start to bombard yourself with questions, the main two being: Do I want to know the answer? and When is the right time?

1. “Do I want to know the answer?” You have to be in the place to accept the answer, regardless of whether or not it is to your liking. If you don’t think that you can handle the possible negative outcome, it’s probably a smart idea to hold off for a while.
2. “When is the right time?” Don’t do this to yourself. No time is going to be the “right” time. Obviously feel out the situation. If your relationship is rocky given outside circumstances, wait a little bit. Just don’t romanticize the conversation or the conversation’s setting. Gird your loins and go for it! 

It is important to accept the vulnerability that comes with initiating the talk. No, it’s not fun, but denying that that vulnerability exists, or tamping it down, is not going to do you any favors. On the plus side, you are maintaining control of your destiny, so to speak. You’re not waiting for the guy to come to you and decide what is best for you to do. Instead, you are taking control and going after what you want. Because of that, the vulnerability, and the possible rejection, is worth it.

What are your opinions on how to have “the talk?” Casual dating?