Stop That!

I’ve never had a steady boyfriend before and for some reason my mom is JUST NOW concerned about it.  We were chilling in the living room watching tv when she started up her whole interrogation about whether or not I'm seeing anyone. I explained to her that I'm not and that there's no one I'm really interested in at the moment. She said, "Oh, ok" and went back to watching tv.  

A few minutes later she turned to me and said, "Are you gay?" You guys! I didn't know what to say or do, so I just laughed. I laughed for a few seconds while she stared at me. I could see the tears welling up at the corners of her eyes. Before I could tell her that I’m not, she went on this huge spiel declaring she had nothing against it and that she would support me but that my dad would probably disown me (well isn’t that nice!).  She went on to explain how we all live in a very different world now and that people are more open to different types of relationships and that she loves the gay couple on Modern Family because they're so cute and adopted a baby blah blah. Once she was done declaring her love for the gays, I told her that I’m not gay. After a couple seconds of skepticism she proclaimed, "OH THANK YOU GOD! So, now that I know you're not gay, are you seeing someone and not telling me?" Yes, mom. I'm in a secret relationship. It's scandalous, mysterious, and super sexy. That's why I'm sitting at home on a Friday night watching 20/20 with you! C'mon!

I don't think my dad really cares that I'm not seeing anyone. I think he's relieved that he's never had to whip out the whole "sitting on the porch with a shot gun" routine. My mom always gets really excited at the thought of being my little match-maker. She always says that she'll ask around and call her friends and see if anyone knows any nice boys my age who are looking for a girlfriend. No offense, but if a guy asks his mommy to find him a girlfriend...I would most likely not want to date him for fear of being stuck in a relationship with not only him but also his mom. I'm kind of afraid that one of these days my mom is going to set me up on an awkward blind date and feel so annoyingly proud of herself. The day is coming my friends. I can feel it! *Shudder*

The truth is that I don't want to be set up on a date. I want it to happen organically! I want to just be chillin' at a coffee shop or something, and then bump into my prince charming! We'll strike up a conversation, he'll decide I'm cute, and then he'll ask me out! It'll be amazing I tell you! Amazing!! But until that moment comes, I'll have to fend off my mother and pray that every time I walk into the house I'm not greeted by a blind date ambush.