The Good Old Try

Considering my lack of success in the dating world to date, last fall I decided to give online dating a try. This was my attempt to branch out and be more open minded.

So I got a cup of tea, lit some candles (to set the mood of course), dressed in some comfortable, yet cute, pajamas, and sat on my bed ready to create my profile. The male population wasn’t going to know what hit them!

Okay, actually, that never happened. Online dating for me was not something I was looking forward to doing. To put it mildly, I fought it tooth and nail for months, despite the good natured pestering from my roommate and the assurances that it was fun (uh huh).

Finally caving, my first foray into the online dating world was with a free site, and I immediately knew I was not going to have any success on it, partly because of the quality of men (no offense guys), and partly because I went into it with the wrong attitude. I joined too soon, and suffered more from anxiety than from excitement.

A few months later I decided to give it another go, this time with a paid site. Spending money on a dating site left a bitter taste in my mouth; however, I had to stop making excuses and go full force into this so I could honestly say at the end of my three month trial that I gave it everything.

Yeah, didn’t work out that way. While I genuinely tried the first month or so, I eventually hit a rough patch.

Now, I knew I didn’t want to renew my subscription and I was going to make sure that I cancelled my profile in time so my card didn’t get charged. The end of my subscription was fast approaching, I thought in about a week or so, so I get on the site, go through the process of answering questions as to why I want to leave, blah blah blah, and lo and behold, I had a solid month and a half left on the site. A month and a half!

I disliked it so intensely, and the time seemed to drag on, that I mentally shortened the amount of time I had left. I burst out laughing, because really, it was funny…and then cancelled my subscription.

Now, I know plenty of people who have had success on such sites (a couple of them close friends), and I am very happy for them. However, the reality of literally putting my face out there (and let’s face, pictures never really capture the individual’s charm or grace) and announcing to everyone (or so it felt) that I was alone, did not reassure me, and only served to highlight my insecurities.

But enough about my trepidation with the whole online dating scene and opinions concerning said sites. Let me instead share a few gems that I received during my three months.

Of course I got the run of the mill messages: 

“Hey, saw your profile and think you’re cute. Message me back if you’re interested.” Okay, not the way to my heart, but points for actually messaging me in the first place. It’s not that easy to come up with what to say. 

Then there is, “Hey.” Really? That’s it? I don’t even get an exclamation mark at the end? You’re not even excited to be messaging me? If you couldn’t take the time to write a more personal message, I am not going to take the time to respond.

You also get the messages rife with sexual innuendo, because clearly aggressively coming on to me in a message, having never met me, is a guaranteed way to get a response (and a pretty clear indication that you’re not interested in dating).

One of my favorites was from a guy who came on to me with professor clichés. And here comes the good part. He was…wait for it…a professor! Very creative! However, I can thank him for some good laughs. With promises of what would occur if I came after hours, and he’d grade me on…, etc., I should have written back thanking him for making my decision not to message back easy.

Now, don’t make the mistake of thinking that everyone on those sites is way too brief (probably because they are sending out the same message to multiple women). There are those that put too much into their message. Notice I don’t say too much ‘effort,’ but simply too much.

One day I check my inbox and see that I have maybe 20 messages. In the beginning, when you first join, your inbox tends to fill up pretty quickly. However, I had been on the site for a few weeks, so I was curious as to why I was getting such attention. I immediately check my inbox, and I kid you not, at least 13 of those messages were from one guy. One guy!

Amazed, and not a little bit curious, I clicked on a random message from him and opened right to some very personal information about his family. It was a book…and there were 12 more of them just like it. 

While I am sure the messenger is nice guy, bombarding someone’s inbox with so many intense messages only serves to overwhelm the person, and quite truthfully, kind of freaked me out.

I want to be clear. I am in no way bashing men, or women, on those sites, or the sites themselves. It is a genuine, good way to meet some quality individuals. Simply put, it was not the best dating means for me, and I was unfortunate in that I didn’t meet a lot of quality men. However, I say that the fact you are on a site, and giving romance in a new avenue a chance, is great! You never know if it will work for you until you try.