Apocalypse NOW!

It has begun.  My mother has officially begun worrying about when I am going to get married.  A couple nights ago, she gave me an extensive lecture about life and marriage while I sat in my rocking chair (THAT’S RIGHT my rocking chair that I won in a raffle! Go me!) reading the first book of “The Walking Dead” comic book series.  Appropriate, I know.  She began her lecture by asking me if I had a boyfriend.  She knows fully well that I do not have one, yet she continues to pester me with this stupid question time and time again.  I assured her that I don’t have any kind of boyfriend unless my secret (fine, imaginary) love affair with Ryan Gosling counts.  

Let me tell you, my mother is worried about me.  She is worried that I won’t get married soon enough.  By “soon enough” she means by like next year.  She thinks that in order to have a steady, happy life I need to be married by the age of 25 and to start popping out kids or else it’ll be too late!  One of my parents’ close friends has a daughter who is in her late 20s and to this day has never been in a steady relationship with someone who she can marry.  My mother always retells her story.  She has become a sort of cautionary tale.  It’s funny because most women these days aren’t even getting married or thinking about marriage until their late 20s! More women are having kids well into their 30s! So it’s not like me and this other girl are some enigma or that there’s something wrong with us.  The times! They are a changin’!  

As a modern-day woman, I am right on track to whatever happy, steady life my mother wants for me.  To be quite honest, the idea of getting married and having kids at my current age freaks me out! I am going to turn 24 in a couple of weeks.  My mother was married before she turned 21.  She had my brother at 23! I cannot imagine being married right now and having a baby.  I mean if I had a baby right now that child would be screwed because I am a hot mess when it comes to prioritizing.  A scenario plays in my head and it goes something like this, “My baby needs new diapers, but there’s a sale on Tory Burch shoes at the mall! I’m gettin’ some shoes today!”  See?! Not a good idea right now!  

Anyway, after going on that rant about my age and the possibility that my seeds will dry up by tomorrow, my mother proceeded to tell me that one of my favorite uncles who lives in D.C. wants to set me up with someone from D.C., so I can move up there.  (Sidenote: I have always wanted to live in D.C. That desire is slowly starting to fade away because there are so many other cool cities! And also I am having the hardest f**king time finding a job in D.C. Anyway, that’s why he wants to set me up with a guy who lives in D.C. Tempting!)  After telling me that my uncle basically wants to be my personal dating service, she asked me what I want in a guy.  Y’ALL. I was at a loss for words! She started spitting out suggestions like “Do you want someone who is a doctor? Or a lawyer? Someone who is artsy? Someone who is into music?  Do you want someone famous? Someone who works in a restaurant?” Seriously?! I thought to myself, “Is she really trying to compile a dating profile for me to give to my uncle?!” I was mortified.  

So, basically my biological clock is ticking and apparently if I don’t get married within the next couple of years I’m doomed.  It kind of makes you think that maybe the world is ending.  Apocalypse is really on its way if my mother is so eager for me to get married and to start popping out babies.  If there is any type of apocalypse, I would personally hope for a zombie Apocalypse because it would just be so suspenseful! I’m sure my blog-partner is rolling her eyes reading this part right now, so I will wrap it up!  There’s a lot of pressure out there on single females in their 20s.  But, listen ladies, there’s honestly no rush! NO PRESSURE! After all, if the goal is a steady, happy life, then take your time and truly figure out what you want!