Deranged Marriages

My mom has always wanted to throw me an Indian Bollywood inspired wedding complete with impromptu unrealistic choreographed singing and dancing, elephants, mounds of jewelry, and all kinds of tacky golden grandeur.  I think she's actually kind of devastated her dream hasn't yet come to fruition.  It shocks me that she's holding on to the dream of planning this grandiose clown fest of a wedding when OBVIOUSLY she won't have a hand not even a finger in it.  I already know I'm having a destination wedding in order to guarantee that only people who actually care about me will be there.  Sorry mom. 

 
Anyway, she had an arranged marriage, so I guess she wants to pass that archaic, dilapidated torch over to me.  C'mon mom.  So antiquated.  Who gets arranged marriages these days?  You would have to knock me out and drug me with an incredibly potent cocktail of illegal drugs before you could even get me to consider an arranged marriage.  Many women around the world still suffer from the plight of arranged marriages and its notorious component: dowry.  As far as I am concerned, in Indian culture, dowry is basically when the groom's family pays the bride's family for their daughter.  In the olden days, the bride's parents would want their daughter to marry someone extravagantly wealthy so they could get a higher payout.  Sad but true.  So, I guess my mom wants to sell me to someone.  I think that's what she's getting at.  I mentioned this interpretation to my mom and she became incredibly flustered. It was as if she had never even considered this point of view. Seriously?! I guess I shouldn't be too hard on her.  Her upbringing glorified arranged marriages. It's not her fault culture prevented freedom of thought.  Not that she and my dad aren't in love but think about all of the missed opportunities! 

Ever since my brother married a white girl, there's been a little tension with me and my mom over the whole marriage thing.  She frequently reminds me of the supposed flaws of the white person: high divorce rates, infidelity, mediocrity, bad habits like drinking and smoking (because apparently only white people engage in such deplorable acts).  So if I marry a white guy then I guess what she's saying is i'll become a divorced, chain-smoking alcoholic?  Ok so what if I did end up gettin' it on with a "brown" guy.  There's still issues there.  "He must be Indian." Ok cool.  "He can't be middle eastern or pakistani." Ok.... "He can't be Islamic."  AH ok.  "He can't be south Indian."  Hmmm... "He can't be too dark."  Haha what? "He can't be too hairy."  This is just ridiculous (there are ZERO non-hairy Indian men out there).  "He has to be rich." Ah NOW I see what you're getting at. So basically the idea is to marry a light skinned, Hindu Indian guy who is very WEALTHY.  The mentality of those who get arranged marriages is just so skewed! It's a means to an end! There's no concept of love in it.  It's a matter of getting what you think you need versus what you actually need.