Say YES to Flirting

Most of us are familiar with the concept of Jim Carrey’s movie “Yes Man.” Carrey decides to start saying yes to everything, which is exactly what I propose we all do with flirting. 

Now I am sure at one time or another you’ve run across what I call “serial flirters.” Those women who can strategize as to how to win the desired target (code name for men); have a system that “never fails” to attract male attention; are constantly in the company of men; have outfits that, quite frankly, you’re not gutsy enough to wear; need I go on?

Now, granted, everything in this picture is not perfect. I’m sure there is some psychological analysis behind all this. However, if you are anything like me, you’re saying psychology be damned! Because regardless of the reasons behind their thinking, they appear to be successful with attracting men, and you are still left wondering, “How do they do it?! Why have they got it going on and are getting all this attention when I’m over here, looking cute!, and TRYING to appear like I’m not trying?!”

It’s taken me some time, but I think I’ve finally figured out the answer. It’s because we think too hard. We sit there (at the bar or wherever we happen to be) and overanalyze the situation. Instead of kicking back, enjoying our drinks, scanning the room (and practicing giving “the look”) for eligible bachelors, we are too busy in our heads trying to compute our next move…or hoping that no one notices you, while desperately praying the attractive guy in the blue shirt (that showcases all the right muscles) needs a beer because there just so happens to be an empty seat right next to you.

The anxiety has taken all the fun out of flirting, and that’s really a shame because if you can’t enjoy flirting, the process of dating will be incredibly tedious. And Lord knows you need to find the humor and fun in a situation that can quickly turn depressing.

I have fallen time and time again into the trap of thinking too hard about it, severely limiting my success. As my anxiety would rise, my body language changed. Eye contact dropped to a minimum, if it not completely disappearing.

Tired of giving my nerves the upper hand, I decided to find a way to change my behavior. The first step was being conscious of my body language. I spent a decent amount of time working on this one. I finally stopped folding my arms in front of me, which can make you appear cool (and not in a good way) to those around you.

Then I’d try and smile A LOT. I’m not talking unnecessary, forced, grin and bear it in a creepy way smile, but genuinely laughing, smiling and joking with your friends. This really makes you appear much friendlier and makes you easier to approach.

Bottom line: flirting can be a lot of fun.

Allow me to demonstrate.

About a week ago, my roommate and I were driving back after our girl’s night out. It was probably around 2 o’clock in the morning, the streets were mostly deserted and we were just chatting at a stoplight.

I am, per usual, completely oblivious to the car that pulls up next to us (I used, and will continue to do so, the excuse that I was driving and so it was important to focus on the road…at a stoplight). I digress.

We’re chatting away, when all the sudden my roommate stops because she’s laughing. Apparently one of the two young men in the car that had pulled up next to us had blown us a kiss. Silly behavior, but highly amusing. I immediately turn to face the car and return the favor, blowing a big fat kiss in their direction. They erupt into laughter, as do we.

This prompts a discussion on women being playful with men and that women need to try and overcome their discomfort (or awkwardness) over harmless demonstrations, which in turn led me to contemplate the matter further and write this post.

Let’s face it. The majority of the time we all do stupid things, guys clearly no exception. However, there is no harm in humoring them or yourself. It’s talking, flirting; nothing more.

The point is that most times we tend to get uncomfortable – I am no exception – and ignore the guys, but I’m arguing to have fun with it and be playful. Be aware of how you come across (body language!) and the next time an attractive male approaches, bestow upon him a radiant smile, make intensely sexy eye contact and have fun with it!

So do yourself a favor and say YES to flirting!