I'm Shy

My whole life I've been an awfully shy person.  In elementary school we had to do book reports and then present them in front of the class in a fun and interesting way.  I hated these presentations.  We only had to do it once the entire year, but I dreaded it.  I put together a great presentation, complete with props and charisma.  On the day of the presentation, I lied to my teacher and told her that I didn't do the report.  She didn't believe me.  She then called my parents who "grounded" me (Indian parents don't really ground their kids; they just make you read an extra book or practice math), and I had to present my report the next day.  I remember my face burning up and feeling sick in the pit of my stomach.  These weren't butterflies.  These were wasps.  Anyway, I gave my presentation, got a B, and went on to really hate that teacher.  If you asked me what her name was, I wouldn't be able to tell you because I've blocked it from my memory.  Now, I'm not quite so shy anymore…in certain aspects of my life.  I developed a penchant for giving presentations in high school and especially in college.  It gave me great joy to put together a tri-fold in high school and a PowerPoint presentation in college.  I loved putting organizing talking points on note cards and feeling prepared.  I was basically A BOSS at givin' presentations.  If only I could translate that confidence into…talking to…boys. 

I've never been one to exude a lot of confidence.  Whatever confidence I can muster when I'm talking to someone for the first time takes a lot out of me and although I feel exhilarated after having talked to someone successfully for the first time…for some reason when it comes to single guys…I SUCK AT TALKING TO THEM.  I just can't do it.  I get so nervous and feel so shy!  Even when I've had a little bit of liquid courage, I end up saying super nerdy things or things that in my head sound funny but in real life are horribly not funny.  There are so many tips out there on how to talk to guys when you're out and mingling or whatever.  Like, a lot of people say, "Oh, try to start out by telling them a joke!" HA! Yeah, me telling a joke.  I suck at delivery and when I'm nervous I tend to get tongue tied and end up blabbering literally in gibberish.  Some people say to be aggressive.  You know, guys like a woman who stands up for what she believes in.  "I think Pink Floyd is far superior than Led Zeppelin!"  That's one of the arguments I made once with a guy.  He questioned my taste in mursic and walked away after about five minutes of me ranting on and on about the progressive nature of the music in Dark Side of the Moon given that it was released in the 1970s.  

After many unsuccessful attempts, I've stopped caring.  I take the approach of being casually cool.  My strategy is always to let the guy come to me.  Well, unfortunately this never works for me.  Guys never approach me wanting to know more about me.  It's awful.  I guess when someone sees me being "casually cool" at a bar…they see me nervously twitching, hiding behind my girlfriends, and constantly checking my phone.   I have no clue how I became so socially awkward.  It started right after I moved back home after graduating.  I stopped going out as much and whenever I did, it was to hang out with girlfriends and catch up with them.  Now that I've moved out of my parents' house, I'm trying (unsuccessfully and admittedly half-assedly) to branch out more. The sad truth is that I've lost my mojo.  I don't know how to talk to guys I don't know very well (especially if they're attractive…which is a whole other level of stupid because…I mean c'mon.  I'm a hottie; they should be the intimidated ones). 

I'm incredibly shy when it's time for me to suck it up and talk to a guy.  I always want to be bold and make a move.  The times that I have done so, there have been disastrous results: spilling my drink on myself, tripping over my feet, getting the hiccups, sneezing unattractively, getting food stuck in my throat, laughing too loudly, saying something dumb, etc. etc.; the list goes on for days and days.  One of these times was actually yesterday!  

I went to a kickball game last night with my friend and was a stand-by player.  I sat on the bench, intently watching the game, and cheering for my teammates.  It was fun.  I was lettin' loose, havin' fun.  One of the guys on the team tapped out of the game to take a break after skinning his knee and came and sat down on the bench next to me.  We cracked a few really dumb jokes about kickball and he asked me my name.  I had been pretty social with him.  I asked how long he'd been on the team, where he was from, and we briefly talked about the inferiority of the bud light everyone was drinking (I'm not a beer snob, I promise!).  After this, he stopped talking to me.  I just kind of zoned out and went back to watching the game and totally disregarded the fact that he existed and was sitting right next to me.  A few minutes later, the team captain's girlfriend showed up with her slutty friend.  They had just gotten back from Café Ole, so they were drunk off of margaritas.  The slutty friend was being super flirtatious and gregarious with the guy.  At one point, I looked over and she was bouncing up and down saying, "I promise I'm wearing a bra! My tits are just super bouncy!"  The guy was laughing his ass off, and he looked like he was really enjoying her company.  WHAT THE F--K.  Are you kidding me?  "My tits are just super bouncy" is what gets a guy interested?! And that guy seemed like a nice kid…I just don't…get it.  I know I'm socially awkward and need to work on socializing with guys but there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna be putting my boobs in a compromising situation.  Besides, not only did she look really stupid bouncing up and down, but I'm sure that was super painful and cruel to her breasts. 

Now that I've critiqued myself on how I'm really shy and I obviously need to work on that, now it's your turn!  Do you have any suggestions on how to approach guys?  Have you done anything stupid, cute, or in any way out of the ordinary to get a guy's attention? I'd love to hear about it! Unless you were jiggling your lady lumps in front of a guy…in that case, please just…go away.

Here's a super cute video of Thom Yorke and Nigel Godrich from Atoms for Peace giving girls advice on love.  A lot of the questions have to do with having confidence.  They actually offer some pretty sound and logical advice.  Sometimes the solutions to these types of problems are very simple, but sometimes you need a pair of really cute, talented grown men to give you some loving advice.  Brought to you by Jezebel, brought to them by Rookie Mag.